BPD sibling is threatening my family's life

[Dalia114]

Hello,

My BPD brother is threatening to murder us, his family. He seems to be more psychotic these past couple of months. His situation is getting worse by the day. Should we take his threats seriously?

[Kwamina]

Hi Dalia14

I am very sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Has your brother ever made any threats like this before?

He is making some very disturbing threats and I therfor want to share some material with you to help you assess your safety situation:
Safety First

It can be difficult to tell whether he's serious or not, but I generally would advise to take all threats like this very seriously.

Has your brother been officially diagnosed with BPD? Is he getting any treatment for his behavior?

Take care

[Dalia114]

Hi Kwamina,
He has been threatening us for years, almost 8 years.
He has been seeing psychiatrists for almost 10 years, but never stayed on medication to make a difference.
In 2010, my mother started giving him medication for schizophrenia (misdiagnosed) behind his back. She gave him medication for 4 years, but I think since it was put in his food and drink it didn't work well. There has always been problems.
He was very recently diagnosed with BPD. I'm still reading and trying to learn ways to communicate with him.
He has been seeing a new therapist for a couple of months, until last week. He accused the therapist of being in on the conspiracy against him to ruin his life.
He does not accept that he is ill, and will not accept any medication. He has rage 24/7. His rage has grown so much that I'm now afraid for my parents' lives. He explains how he's going to murder them graphically.
I am in desperate need for help. I have no idea how to reach him.
He's very aggressive and very angry.
Please give me any tips on how to deal with him.
Thank you

[Kwamina]

Though we describe several communication techniques on this site that can help us interact with our BPD family-members (validation, S.E.T., D.E.A.R.M.A.N. etc.), your brother's rage and threats are very concerning. It sounds like he really requires some professional help. It is very unfortunate that he does not accept his disorder.

Based on your posts it appears your brother still lives with your parents, is that correct? Do you also still live with your family?

Eight years is a long time to have to be dealing with this. I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you. I am glad you are reaching out for support and advice here because this really is a very difficult situation.

How do your parents view his threats? How are they coping?

[heartandwhole]

Hi Dalia114,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It must be very stressful and frightening. I agree with    Kwamina that you should take the threats seriously, even though he's made them before.

Kwamina gave you a great link, and I suggest thinking about a Safety Plan ASAP. It's much better to plan for what you will do in an emergency before things escalate, rather than running around and trying to make important decisions when things are already in chaos.

I don't know what country you are in, but most countries have Domestic Violence hotlines that can really help. They have resources and information that you may not have even known were available. Pick up the phone and call them; they are trained to handle this kind of situation.

How many of you are in the family living together? Are there any children?

When things have calmed down, here is some information to help you communicate with your brother in a way that may not trigger his aggressiveness so much:

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

Hang in there, Dalia114. We are here for you. 

heartandwhole

[VitaminC]

Hi Dalia114,

In addition to making use of the resources already suggested to you, is it possible for you to touch base with the therapist your brother was seeing and seek advice there?

It sounds like his condition has worsened over the last couple of months and the therapist should be able to guide you on appropriate steps and perhaps institutions that may be able to help / intervene.

Keep us posted!

[Turkish]

If he's making criminal threats, are the authorities aware? If not the police, then at least his mental health providers?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Dalia114:   
Are you in the US?  If so, which state do you live in (or what country do you live in)?

I'm so sorry about the situation with your brother, the situation sounds frightening. Do the threats occur during a fit or rage?  Is your brother paranoid?  Has he harmed anyone in the past?

As others have mentioned, the threats need to be taken seriously, and that can mean that local authorities may need to be called.  I've read where some people call the police and indicate that their family member is suicidal, as where they live, the family member can be taken to a mental health inpatient facility and evaluated for a few days.  Their logic in mentioning suicide is that the situation is handled from more of a mental health prospective, than a criminal prospective.  However, if there is an imminent threat and someone has a weapon, that would have to be shared with the police.

In 2010, my mother started giving him medication for schizophrenia (misdiagnosed) behind his back. . .He was very recently diagnosed with BPD.

I've read where others have had varying diagnoses.  A label can be subjective, but best to handle the issues and specific behavior.  The links below are labeled for schizophrenia, but don't let that bother you.  It's the information, relative to certain behaviors/situation that can be helpful

TIPS FOR HANDLING A CRISIS:  (Scroll down towards the end of the page)
www.schizophrenia.com/family/60tip.html

FORMS OF ASSISTED TREATMENT:  There is a lot of information on this page.  Scroll down to the information about options to get someone treatment, when they aren't cooperative:

www.schizophrenia.com/invol.html#forms

Are your parents taking the threats seriously? 

[Pilpel]

He has rage 24/7. His rage has grown so much that I'm now afraid for my parents' lives. He explains how he's going to murder them graphically.

Dalia, I'm concerned for you and your family.  There may not be much that the police can do. But I think you should still let them know.  File a report or something.  :)o what you can to protect yourselves.  I missed it if you wrote how old he is.  

You know your brother better than we do.  But just being on the outside and hearing your story, I'd say if he's fantasizing about murdering your parents and he has BPD and lack's empathy, I wouldn't take it lightly.  

[Fie]

Dali,

This must be so horrible for you   

He has been threatening us for years, almost 8 years.

Is he threatening you also ?