BPD wife has unblocked me - what a trigger

[CooperD]

Hi folks

I connected to whatsapp this morning and saw that my BPD wife has a new profile picture of some flowers (there was previously nothing there indicating she had blocked me), the messages from weeks ago also only showed 1 tick (indicating blocked) but they have all now turned to 2 ticks (indicating delivered to her phone).

What is happening ? Should I expect a recycle

As soon as i saw that i have unblocked it has started a huge upsurge in emotions - anxiety / hope / doubts

I was even imagining being on a plane to america and embracing her at christmas !

I know i need to stay NC and keep the hell away but incredible how just such a small thing as being unblocked impacts

[drained1996]

incredible how just such a small thing as being unblocked impacts

Yes, incredible indeed... .especially when we are still in the detaching stage and not near fully recovered from our wounds.  I see you refer to the fact that you are NC as of now.  NC is a healthy form of self protection as you know.  Have you thought of blocking her in such forums?... .this would protect you from having to deal with circumstances like this while you are still so emotionally raw.  Just a thought... .

[heartandwhole]

As soon as i saw that i have unblocked it has started a huge upsurge in emotions - anxiety / hope / doubts

Hi CooperD,

I can understand this kind of reaction very well—it's definitely normal under the circumstances, although it can feel so uncomfortable. When things like this happen, I try to really feel the emotions as they come and go, without making them mean anything, if that makes sense.

What I mean is that I experience the feelings as much as possible as physical sensations and don't attach to the "story" of what they may or may not mean. Let the mind do its thing, if you can, without attaching so much importance to the thoughts. Let yourself feel, physically, how feelings come and go, and maybe you'll even notice how the "story" comes and goes as well. For example, before you were unblocked, your mind wasn't running the same story as it is now. But nothing of significance has changed, right? Watch, if you can, how the mind tries to make this unblocking the end-all, be-all for you, when in fact, it's a non-event. 

heartandwhole

[CooperD]

Thanks guys,

Due to what has happened and the chaos of the last few weeks I really thought I would never hear from her again (I still havent).  However surely the fact I have been unblocked means she has thought of me in some respect ?

Its so so confusing

Heartandwhole your right it is a non-event as doesnt impact on me and my recovery but yes the mind definitely starts to run away with itself.

Drained ive been NC which she has for about 3 weeks now but i never blocked her from anything just tried to resist looking which i only failed at once.

[TyroneWiggums]

However surely the fact I have been unblocked means she has thought of me in some respect ?

Sometimes friends will clue me in on my ex's social media suggesting she's not just thinking about me but that she deeply regrets what she did, almost a year later.  But, she's not darkening my door either. 

Heartandwhole your right it is a non-event as doesnt impact on me and my recovery but yes the mind definitely starts to run away with itself.

I took HeartandWhole's comment slightly differently, in that her blocking or unblocking your account doesn't affect your recovery, though the anxiety you feel from finding out you're unblocked certainly does make an impact; I know it did for me when my ex would seemingly do things to suggest the ice was thawing (it wasn't btw).

Small things are gonna twinge you hard right now.  You're going through something most people have no concept of, so don't beat yourself up; you're plenty beat up as it is.

Good luck and hang in there.

[FindingMe2011]

What is happening ? Should I expect a recycle

Well if BPD has no host, they tend to throw out lines, to see whom bites. Rest assure that there are always takers.  People are objects in this world, you have choices to make. Take care of YOU first... .Peace

[woundedPhoenix]

I know i need to stay NC and keep the hell away but incredible how just such a small thing as being unblocked impacts

Hey CooperD.

Doesn't it show how much we are conditioned, to look for signs, interpret signs, and then to fight ourselves to react on them or not.
In a sense we have slowly been made to get triggered as easily as the BPD person him/herself.

And some of our BPDexes probably are very aware of the psychological impact these little things can have on us.

[CooperD]

How bizarre it has been

She changed her profile pic on whatsapp several times - in short succession - pics of her in an art gallery and low and behold the profile pic is now blank.  I did see her online status show as 'typing' which was probably for me but she must have decided against it as I received nothing.
What was the John Lennon track "mind games"

[lovenature]

Hey Coop

Best to stay away from social media and any other triggers you can while maintaining NC so you can get out of the FOG, see things clearly, and decide what is best for YOU going forward.