Some thoughts at day 70 of DNR (it gets better)

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So today was day 70 of NC which is, I belive the longest we have ever gone in 3+ years

She's blocked on all social media and cell phone.

Haven't seen hide nor hair of her in that time although a close friend of hers who I barely know added me on Facebook last week. Which raised suspicion but nothing came of it.

Overall I'm feeling good. One thing that did help (and I was ready for this, you may not be) was that for 5-6 weeks I was seeing someone new, but it didn't work out as she demonstrated many red flags (history of cutting, history of eating disorder, callousness about all her exes etc) and I got out of dodge (how I have changed, the old me would have hopelessly fell for her). But it did keep my mind off BPD for a while.

Overall have just been going to the gym and being social. I'm avoiding the club scene in town for a while as that's where I will bump into her, and drunk me + her = regrets.

Fog has pretty much lifted, I do still think about her quite a bit and hope she is OK and not upto too much mischief, but I've moved past wanting to be in contact. Because I know what she isn't capable of (an honest relationship) and what she is capable of (triggering me into oblivion, and mischief)

So my message to those out here, be honest with yourself, if it's unworkable and you know you need to get away, do it and go NC. It'll hurt like hell for a while but at least you will be off that slippery slope. They will survive, they have other people, and look at their behaviour. If they act like they don't care that much about you anyway... .they don't!

The first few weeks are the hardest, and you will still think of them for a long time but it does get better. And the longer away the stronger you will get until you come to realize you deserved better, you have self respect, and it was their mistake to let you go.

[Infern0]

So today was day 70 of NC which is, I belive the longest we have ever gone in 3+ years

She's blocked on all social media and cell phone.

Haven't seen hide nor hair of her in that time although a close friend of hers who I barely know added me on Facebook last week. Which raised suspicion but nothing came of it.

Overall I'm feeling good. One thing that did help (and I was ready for this, you may not be) was that for 5-6 weeks I was seeing someone new, but it didn't work out as she demonstrated many red flags (history of cutting, history of eating disorder, callousness about all her exes etc) and I got out of dodge (how I have changed, the old me would have hopelessly fell for her). But it did keep my mind off BPD for a while.

Overall have just been going to the gym and being social. I'm avoiding the club scene in town for a while as that's where I will bump into her, and drunk me + her = regrets.

Fog has pretty much lifted, I do still think about her quite a bit and hope she is OK and not upto too much mischief, but I've moved past wanting to be in contact. Because I know what she isn't capable of (an honest relationship) and what she is capable of (triggering me into oblivion, and mischief)

So my message to those out here, be honest with yourself, if it's unworkable and you know you need to get away, do it and go NC. It'll hurt like hell for a while but at least you will be off that slippery slope. They will survive, they have other people, and look at their behaviour. If they act like they don't care that much about you anyway... .they don't!

The first few weeks are the hardest, and you will still think of them for a long time but it does get better. And the longer away the stronger you will get until you come to realize you deserved better, you have self respect, and it was their mistake to let you go.

[heartandwhole]

The first few weeks are the hardest, and you will still think of them for a long time but it does get better. And the longer away the stronger you will get until you come to realize you deserved better, you have self respect, and it was their mistake to let you go.

Hi Infern0,

Congrats on 70 days  That is not easy. It sounds like you are in a better place. I agree with you, it really does get better the longer you go without the ex-partner in your daily
life.

Are you still looking at her social media?

heartandwhole

[Skip]

... .a mutual acquaintance bumped into her in a store and called me afterwards to tell me she looked terrible and depressed etc. In his words "she really isn't looking well"

I held off for a while but against my better judgement I reached out with a text "are you ok"

I thought I'd be ignored but to my surprise she was very receptive. We ended up in a recycle within about a week.

Can you tell us about the recycle - what happened?

[Recovering480]

 Great! Provides some hope for me too. I'm trying to go NC. It's been tough. Yesterday was a flurry of text messages: her apologizing for her behavior, wish to be friends one day, why she thinks it didnt work (not her behavior, of course), etc. Then the rest of the afternoon, pictures of some drama that occurred at her workplace. My replies were short, somewhat supportive, then I stopped. It brought back a surge of emotions. I was waiting for her usual "drunk Monday" texts about how much she loved me. Silly, I know. They never happened.

Like you, I've been back to the gym again and spending time with friends. I'm not ready to start dating again. I've thought about it and reached out to a few people that I was talking to before meeting her. As time passes, I feel better. I see my T today. Havent seen her in a month and hopefully she'll provide some advice (aside from I'm better off).

I'm happy to hear of your recovery.

[Warcleods]

Congrats inferno!

I am on day 30 something, I have stopped counting.  I am detaching in noticeable ways.  I did have animosity towards her in the beginning but I have just learned to accept that she is what she is.  Like you, I think about my ex pretty frequently, I have no idea how she is doing and am really not interested in knowing.  I just hope she is okay physically and emotionally.  Emotionally she is probably not unless she found another distraction which I have no desire to know about.  I'm more focused on my work, building a stronger relationship with my kids, seeing a Therapist and finding different ways to focus on what I actually need.  There are times, like today, I was just driving along and missed her incredibly out of the blue.  It did not last very long and I had no urge to contact her, but it was just there.  Kinda weird in a way.

Glad to hear you are moving along well.  Keep it up!

[Infern0]

Can you tell us about the recycle - what happened?

That was referring to a past recycle. It wasn't this year.

[Skip]

That was referring to a past recycle. It wasn't this year.

What happened on this last recycle that ended in October?

[Infern0]

What happened on this last recycle that ended in October?

Oh I get you.

Well, it was the same as every other time really. She broke NC after a few weeks, was really nice at first saying she missed me etc. We met up a couple of times which she asked for, had dinner and had a lot of fun and got on really well, flirting etc. things seemed to be going quite well, she said she was in therapy and wanting to change etc.

Then her ex boyfriend died which understandably is a big deal but she started to freeze me out again. Started using that as an excuse for being distant, saying she was depressed and needed time alone to work through her feelings, then I start seeing on snapchat and Facebook that she is at the clubs dressed like a hooker with her promiscuous friends and a bunch of random different guys with their arms round her.

That's her way of working through her feelings haha. I quickly realized that she was BS'ing me and I just filled a quiet spot on her social calender again while her friends must have been occupied.

Had a couple of arguments with me getting upset at her for leading me on and using me, her denying she had ever done anything to me and not wanting to talk about it until I called time on it again.

Same old same old.

[lovenature]

That's her way of working through her feelings haha. I quickly realized that she was BS'ing me and I just filled a quiet spot on her social calender again while her friends must have been occupied.
]

Always remember this when you are tempted to allow NC to be broken again; best not to be someone's option when you have made them your one and only, wouldn't you agree?

[Infern0]

[quoteThat's her way of working through her feelings haha. I quickly realized that she was BS'ing me and I just filled a quiet spot on her social calender again while her friends must have been occupied.
]

Always remember this when you are tempted to allow NC to be broken again; best not to be someone's option when you have made them your one and only, wouldn't you agree?

For sure.

Tbh though I don't THINK I'll breach NC again...

Think I've finally learned my lesson