It is disgusting how much money is wasted through divorce. I don't think it's fair
I am so sorry for your situation.
My fear of losing money through divorce and greedy lawyers helps keep me putting divorce off.
It may be of some help to think of not what is fair, but what you can accept in order to help severe ties with your ex and any more hurt and losses in the future.
While that which is not just and fair may not be acceptable, you can still accept or be satisfied that it is what you need for now and in order to move in a positive direction. I try to use a perspective like this in my case, where many things seem so very very unfair and maddening if I think in terms of "fairness", but "acceptable" or satisfactory for now if I remind myself that I need to choose them now versus taking the risks of fighting for what I would call "fair".
I hope that simple idea, put into overly complex grammar, didn't give anyone a headache... .