Trying to hold on to God during the holidays and this latest trial.

[butterfly faith]

Hi,

I am a person who believes in God with all that I can but have made a choice to love someone that I did not know had BPD.
They are still not diagnosed and of course, get mad at the very suggestion that they may have it but everything that i have read online points to it.

We have financial stress and have ever since we started the relationship. We live together, something I am not proud of but at the time, we were engaged, finances led to that being pushed back. Now, after almost two years we up and down financially and that causes him extra stress. I know (but he doesn't seem to) that when one of us is out of work, it triggers the BPD. Unfortunately, I have been unable to maintain my old career, have worked other jobs to keep up my end.

Two months ago, it looked like thing's might turn around, we both got jobs within the week but I ended up with a very severe boss and he fired me on Nov. 30th. Naturally, my BPD blamed me although he had known the job circumstances for weeks before. Please know, whenever I am to blame for things, because of my belief in being humble before the Lord, I take that blame but I know and I know God knows the unreasonable circumstances of this last job.

I had very little money when I moved in as an engaged person. I did not want to live together but I thought we'd both have decent jobs and married by now. Instead, he showed his BPD tendencies pretty early after the move in (we are both middle aged and have never lived with anyone romantically before), accusing me of just trying to live off him and that I wouldn't work (I had a menial job when I moved in, paying enough to help with household, groceries and utilities as I promised to do and upheld it, plus paying for the homeowner fees).

Now, I am without my menial job and a freelance contract (extra, so tired most weeks) is up in January. I am frightened and so sad because of course, I love him. But I know the Lord's words and so much of our human love is flawed. That said. I need to know that someone knows what I am talking about, but not judgment right now. I have had so much from him, my former boss and my mom (for moving in in the first place). I need prayer and understanding. That is why I am here.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Larmoyant]

Hi butterfly faith, I'm sorry you're going through this, but glad you posted. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of stress and worry. I can relate to the comments your partner made. My ex once suggested that I was only with him for his house. I know how bad it can make you feel. I don't know if you felt similar, but to me it felt like a judgement of my character. The idea that I was using him when in fact I loved him. You will find understanding here butterfly faith. Keep posting and welcome to the family.

[Hisaccount]

Money is always a problem in any relationship BPD or not.
If he does have BPD then it is just a stress point and I am sure it has made things much worse.

My ex wife is undiagnosed as well but during my recovery after the divorce it was suggested I read about it and sure enough this is my life, much of what you read on these pages. There is no other explanation.

For me, I didn't have a choice, she left and filed divorce after 10 years of, well me trying to make it work, but you get the idea.

So here I am, what do I do? We get severely and unhealthily attached to these people, they suck us in because that is part of the disorder they have these charms that nobody else has.

For years I prayed for God to help me. Change me, help me stay, make me a person that makes her happy. Does that sound healthy?
I prayed for him to change her, to touch her, to make her happy.

I was devastated, still am somewhat over the divorce again I prayed. At first for her return and to keep her safe.

She left so all I can do is focus on me now and as my faith is growing again (the relationship kind of took a toll on it) I am starting to see that maybe this is God's answer to my prayers. It may not feel like it but maybe he has something better for me. Maybe he didn't want me to go through this anymore.

I ponder on it everyday and maybe I am not ready to listen because I still love her and I want her back but I am doing my best to listen to God instead of my feelings for her.

In the end what matters?
Once you put it into perspective salvation is much more important that my relationship with her.