BPD accused me of committing parental alienation.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

BPD accused me of committing parental alienation. Anyone ever heard this argument?   It looks like it is specific to custody cases when one parent has lost custody.

[Mika1739]

BPD accused me of committing parental alienation. Anyone ever heard this argument?   It looks like it is specific to custody cases when one parent has lost custody.

[Panda39]

Hi Mika1739,

Can you tell us a little bit more about what is going on?  What is your current custody arrangement?  How old are your kids? 

We see some parental alienation among the members here,  but usually the person with BPD is the alternator. 

Parental Alienation typically isn't an "argument" it is a dysfunctional behavior.  Here is a link to an article on Parental Alienation that can give you a basic idea of what it is https://bpdfamily.com/content/parental-alienation

Take Care,
Panda39

[livednlearned]

You have full custody and she has to set up therapeutic visitation to see the kids (which she hasn't done), so accusing you of parental alienation isn't likely to hold much water.

She is hurt and lashing out, hoping to throw something that will stick and shift the focus and blame to you, away from her own actions.

Parental alienation can actually occur when both parents are still married. It's a psychological defense mechanism that many people with BPD engage in to deal with negative emotions that they cannot resolve. For example, if she cannot tolerate the grief and shame associated with being an unfit mother, her psyche creates a story in which the reason her kids were taken away is because you brainwashed them and are preventing her from seeing them. She believes this story, most likely.

Based on the information you've shared, it doesn't sound like court would give her accusations much weight. Even people with strong alienation cases have a hard time getting the courts to do what's necessary.

[ForeverDad]

Too, she may be hoping you'll over-respond and capitulate.  PwBPD typically make extreme claims yet they have little or no basis in facts, hoping to scare you into weakening your boundaries or the order.  If you feel guilted or want to avoid looking mean (her claim) then you may give her more than the court would.  You have a court order, follow it.  If the order has a framework for her to regain contact and she's not complying with it, then it's on her.  Or at least that's how the court ought to see it, if it gets that far.

When I filed for divorce and custody, my then-stbEx counter-filed for custody and protection for both herself and our preschooler.  (She used a form for harassment and stalking.  She took innocent events, such as me calling to talk to our son, as a claim for harassment.  I was paying for her phone at the time and she wouldn't even let me talk to him!)  We settled for us keeping separate for a few months (without any finding of guilt) and parenting abiding by the family court's temporary order.  She tried to block my parenting time but failed, family court didn't consider me a danger to our child.