Did your ex treat you the worst from everyone else? Painted Black?

[Confused108]

I was wondering if anyone else here knows how there ex treated their past lovers? Did they only treat you like garbage and paint you black? Or did they do it with everyone they were involved with? I know mine treated me the worst out of all her exs and as far as I know the only one who was painted black as well. Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Duped 1]

I'm not sure if I was treated the worst because she doesn't think she treated me poorly but i have never been treated so poorly by anyone in my entire life. According to her it's ALL my fault though. There is no way she is capable of treating a partner well on a consistent basis. I know her ex husband won't even hardly look at her.

I do think I'm the only one she painted black. I spent a lot of time trying to get her to be accountable for her behavior and she hated that and it was a waste of time of course. She wanted to get married and I knew I could never with the way she was treating me so I would reprimand her for her behavior in hopes it would improve so we could move forward. I didn't understand she had BPD until after the breakup.

[Confused108]

Same here Duped. I knew my ex had issues but I didnt know the real extent of them until the very end. I know I was treated the worst bc she is believe it or not friends with all her exs. Even her ex husband. It's crazy. And I was painted black.

[Hisaccount]

I am probably the only one not painted black. She still has "friends" she is reaching out to, but she is still drawn to me, but that might be a reflex from being together 10 years and I am still useful.

I will say that in the relationship she treated everyone better than me. Often I would say "treat me like a stranger because they get all the smiles and happiness even if it is fake"

[Pretty Woman]

Confused, don't be so sure.

It isn't HATE like in the normal sense. It's almost like selective amnesia to all the "good" in your relationship. They are able to edit it out.

My ex went years without speaking to exes but she has had contact eventually with every. single. one.

Well every one who has actually been open to speaking to her again.

Once I found a bag of zip drives and was curious what they were. ALL pics of exes from vacations, special events. It was like a who's who of her dating life. Even though you are currently painted black doesn't mean she's not attached to you in some weird way. My ex used to wear jewelry and I would find out later it was from an ex. It would start to "appear" on her when things started going bad. She would then dump me... .and usually run off to that ex. It's weird how, when and what to they attach.

Don't beat yourself up. Some exes also have less boundaries and that's why they still talk. They may just be easier for her to manipulate and that's a good thing... .for you!

[Recovering480]

No, I dont think I'm the only one. I sat there many a night listening to her rail about her exes. How poorly they treated her, etc., etc. When she would get mad at me, she'd compare my "actions" to what the others had done. Once she told me she wasn't going to "babysit" me like she had with one guy when we were in public. I started to realize that all these exes were probably going through the same things I was. Maybe they reacted differently. We have mutual friends and before our first date, I reached out to one and asked his opinion. He said she had dated a friend of his and that his friend said she was "nuts". Initial red flag, but not knowing the context, I didnt put any weight into it.

Am I painted black with her friends and family? I dont think so. No one has defriended me or blocked on social media. Except her. Do I care or worry what she has said to her family and friends? No. Either they suspect something is wrong with her. Or they know. Or she simply said it didnt work out. Evidently I'm "lazy" and "broke".

Will she complain about me to the next? Probably.

It's a skewed sense of reality. She honestly feels our relationship was deep sixed due to our "drinking". The thing is, she was on a bender for 2 weeks and I wasn't even present for most of it. Whatever. I can't tell her that. She has her story.

In the end, it doesnt matter. 

[jonmnemonic]

My BPD is an equal opportunity painter.  There isn't a single person she has been in a relationship with that she wasn't the victim of.  There is always something wrong and deplorable about each and every one of them.  Immediately after we got married she spent a month running a smear campaign on her previous ex in her apparent attempts to save the world from him.  She has run both stealth and overt smear campaigns on me; accusing me of everything from abuse to rape and murder.  I don't know that I've been treated any differently than others but I've definitely stuck around longer than anyone else.

[Confused108]

Confused, don't be so sure.

It isn't HATE like in the normal sense. It's almost like selective amnesia to all the "good" in your relationship. They are able to edit it out.

My ex went years without speaking to exes but she has had contact eventually with every. single. one.

Well every one who has actually been open to speaking to her again.

Once I found a bag of zip drives and was curious what they were. ALL pics of exes from vacations, special events. It was like a who's who of her dating life. Even though you are currently painted black doesn't mean she's not attached to you in some weird way. My ex used to wear jewelry and I would find out later it was from an ex. It would start to "appear" on her when things started going bad. She would then dump me... .and usually run off to that ex. It's weird how, when and what to they attach.

Don't beat yourself up. Some exes also have less boundaries and that's why they still talk. They may just be easier for her to manipulate and that's a good thing... .for you!

OmG Pretty Woman in regards to the saving everything from every past encounter she has had yep! My ex did the same thing. She had pictures she had letters you name it she had it if every relationship romantically she has ever had. It was crazy. I even told her after she dumped me that I felt she acted like a killer who saves everything from every past relationship. Like a serial killer does with his victims. I told her is was some sort of thropy  room. 

[michel71]

My uBPDw was estranged from family and friends. She was the victim of every person she had ever come into contact with it seemed. Little did I know that probably they were HER victims. Her ex husband won't speak to her and wishes her ill will and bad luck. According to her, he was a drinker and a womanizer. I can understand why. Poor sap.
I would actually love to talk to these people. I know some of them as face book friends. I told myself if in a year I still feel the same way I will reach out. The problem was that because I married her they put me in the same class as her.
Now that we are separating though maybe it might be different.
I do feel that it would be the ultimately betrayal to seek out her "victims" as "misery loves company" but that is why I am waiting.
By the way, once I was painted black, I never was redeemed in her eyes. She just loathed me more and used me. I hung in for awhile thinking it might change. It never did.
Two and one half years of married HELL.
But she is moving out soon and I will be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.