Thoughts on how long it takes to get your "self" back

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been looking to remodel my house. Everything I have read talks about how the costs always end up being much higher than the quoted costs and the time to complete always takes longer than the estimated time.

At the same time, I am still "recovering" from the end of a relationship with someone that had BPD traits. And I noted that getting back my sense of self is so much like remodeling the house. As walls are torn down, new problems that need to be resolved are found. They weren't expected, but they need to be dealt with. That makes cost greater (emotional) and the time to "fix" greater as well. Once the work is done, the new self or house is better than how it started. But, I need to be prepared for the time and cost to be greater than what I originally thought.

I need to slow down and realize that this journey will make me a better person in the end, and it will take however long it takes.

[anothercasualty]

I have been looking to remodel my house. Everything I have read talks about how the costs always end up being much higher than the quoted costs and the time to complete always takes longer than the estimated time.

At the same time, I am still "recovering" from the end of a relationship with someone that had BPD traits. And I noted that getting back my sense of self is so much like remodeling the house. As walls are torn down, new problems that need to be resolved are found. They weren't expected, but they need to be dealt with. That makes cost greater (emotional) and the time to "fix" greater as well. Once the work is done, the new self or house is better than how it started. But, I need to be prepared for the time and cost to be greater than what I originally thought.

I need to slow down and realize that this journey will make me a better person in the end, and it will take however long it takes.

[heartandwhole]

Great metaphor, anothercasualty!

I need to slow down and realize that this journey will make me a better person in the end, and it will take however long it takes.

Very wise words.  What part of the house are you working on at this point?

heartandwhole

[Lucky Jim]

Hey anothercasualty, Your self, I would suggest, has been there all the time; it's just a matter of reconnecting to your core.  It's easy to forget oneself in the throes of a BPD r/s.  I lost myself for a while there, which was not fun.  Yet now I'm back on my path, which I describe as a journey towards authenticity.  In that sense, one could say that it's like demo-ing the modifications in order to get back to the "bones" of the house, which provide the framework for remodeling.

LuckyJim

[jonmnemonic]

I really don't think you can put a time frame on "finding yourself."  Much like your analogy of renovating a house, you need a reference point that guides you in the direction you need to be going.  If you don't have a reference point or use your old self as the reference, you'll either end up right back where you were or spend a lot of time wandering around getting nowhere.

I spent a lot of time wandering around getting nowhere; trying to understand the how, what, when, where, and why's.  What I've come to understand is that going my own way didn't get me anywhere but having God and His Word the Bible as my reference has helped me to navigate through this storm of life.  God is the one who can calm the waves and the one who works all things together for good to those that love Him.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all. For God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

[anothercasualty]

Great metaphor, anothercasualty!

Very wise words.  What part of the house are you working on at this point?

heartandwhole

Much like myself, the foundation goes first. The house is from the 50's and needs to be shored up!

Then, kitchen and bathrooms. Gonna end up being a decent project!

[troisette]

It takes a while, different timelines for each of us I guess and for me, longer than expected - like a lot of building projects.

But once you've finished excavating and start rebuilding, the pleasure of living in the refurbished house/persona is worth the work.