Wife with BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi there. I separated from my ex wife almost a year ago now and I'm still struggling with it. This time last year was a nightmare and it's now bringing. Ack memories of her crazy behaviour from faking cancer to stealing money and selling her engagement ring. We have two kids together which makes it even harder and our communication is not good due to the anger from all the lies in the relationship.

[Gday]

Hi there. I separated from my ex wife almost a year ago now and I'm still struggling with it. This time last year was a nightmare and it's now bringing. Ack memories of her crazy behaviour from faking cancer to stealing money and selling her engagement ring. We have two kids together which makes it even harder and our communication is not good due to the anger from all the lies in the relationship.

[joeramabeme]

Hi Gday and welcome to BPD family. 

Sorry to hear that you are struggling.  How did you find us?  Did you suspect that your ex had BPD when you were in the midst of breaking up?

Going a year alone (or without this knowledge) is a long time and I am sure it has been difficult.  Tell us a little more.

JRB

[Turkish]

Having to communicate due to kids can be very difficult.  What's the custody situation,  and how old are your kids? We can support you in this 

[Gday]

Hello again. I was with my wife for 7 years and she was always a liar from the start. Just little lies which in the end turn into big lies and it never stops. She also had a big spending problem and wasted thousands and thousands of dollars st the shops on clothes. She also faked getting treatment for cancer. She stole money, she sold things to get money to then spend money on clothes again. It seemed when she first started getting treatment and was doing DBT she went from bad to worse. In the end I had to call it quits after she faked cancer for the second time. I haven't had one specialist tell me to stick in there and stand by her. That's a hard thing to hear.

[Turkish]

How did you feel it was a hard thing to hear, because you thought you might have done some things differently? Even so (and I feel the same thing in retrospect), we are where we ate now.  How are you and the kids handling things?

[Gday]

It's hard because I felt like I was failing as a family man and I let my kids down with them now living in two seperate homes. We share the kids 50/50. I did have them more but settled for 50/50 to avoid huge legal fees and it was probably a fight I wasn't going to win. She loves the kids so that's the main thing.
Each day is different for me, some good and some not so good. I struggle sometimes because I still love her and I find myself getting sucked back in to wanting it to work but I don't think I could ever trust her again. It's the physical attraction that gets me the most and we see each other at least once a a week at the kids sport so I don't really get a break from it.