Do They Get Better?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Good day.  I have been learning a lot since coming here, but one thing that I am wondering is do pwBPD get better and if yes is that usually only with counselling or seeing a psychologist?  Would they have to realize within themselves that they have a problem to even begin that process?

[TommyBahama]

Good day.  I have been learning a lot since coming here, but one thing that I am wondering is do pwBPD get better and if yes is that usually only with counselling or seeing a psychologist?  Would they have to realize within themselves that they have a problem to even begin that process?

[drained1996]

From my own personal experience the best hope for improvement is regular in depth therapy... .and they have to be ready willing and able to participate... .as will you. 
That's not to say they need to fully understand why they are seeing a therapist (meaning you do not need to say you have BPD and you need therapy) .  As long as they are willing to go and participate, a good therapist with PD experience does have the opportunity to help them improve... .as long as they are willing to work on their issues.  

[once removed]

hi TommyBahama,

the answers to your question are likely to be mixed. i could show you some extremely hopeful numbers, or i could show you some less hopeful numbers. i could share with you a variety of experiences all over the spectrum.

it really boils down to you, your relationship, and your partner.

what do you think about your partners chances of improvement with or without therapy? is she diagnosed?

[drained1996]

  it really boils down to you, your relationship, and your partner.


Very well put by once removed... .each and every individual is unique, as are relationships.  It's really up to those in the relationship to decide what may come of things.

[Duped 1]

Sounds like some improve but that it is very rare if not even impossible to have a truly healthy and fulfilling relationship from what I've read

[WalrusGumboot]

I was a regular on this forum for five years, and in that time I could only account for one true success story.

A therapist I went to, who specialized in BPD, told me that he has helped a number of young people with their disorder to the point where they were able to live normal lives. However, all started therapy while young (in their 20's). He did also say his son got serious with a BPD sufferer, and he strongly advised his son to not move any further with the relationship. I think this gives a good indication as his thoughts about the disorder and the likely outcomes.

My personal experience is that my exBPDw never admitted to being at fault for anything wrong relationship-wise. Because of this, she never agreed to any sort of counseling, so all my hopes died with it. The first step is for them to realize they need help.

[FiveForFighting]

My personal experience is that my exBPDw never admitted to being at fault for anything wrong relationship-wise. Because of this, she never agreed to any sort of counseling, so all my hopes died with it. The first step is for them to realize they need help.

^^This. It is extremely difficult to remain positive, supportive while attempting to wait on this critical element. It takes an incredible dynamic to be able to achieve this, I believe. I have not gotten there yet. Don't know if it will get there and doesn't even take into account the approach one takes to get there. Do you bring it up in casual conversation, go to therapy together and hope the T can provide some insight given clear indicators, let her try to figure it out on her own? I've got a uBPDw who has diagnosed her sister with the condition and ironically cannot see any of the indicators in herself and while she diagnoses her sister, I just sit there and *face palm*. SO many are not willing to self analyze or take a close look at themselves so the condition goes unchecked.

[Duped 1]

^^This. It is extremely difficult to remain positive, supportive while attempting to wait on this critical element. It takes an incredible dynamic to be able to achieve this, I believe. I have not gotten there yet. Don't know if it will get there and doesn't even take into account the approach one takes to get there. Do you bring it up in casual conversation, go to therapy together and hope the T can provide some insight given clear indicators, let her try to figure it out on her own? I've got a uBPDw who has diagnosed her sister with the condition and ironically cannot see any of the indicators in herself and while she diagnoses her sister, I just sit there and *face palm*. SO many are not willing to self analyze or take a close look at themselves so the condition goes unchecked.


Mine went to counseling but when we got there she crossed her arms and said she never insulted or attacked and she couldn't see her part in any of our difficulties. I nearly fell off my chair and she was so defensive that I couldn't bring anything up and then she complained that counseling wasn't helpful... .