First Time Posting

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,
I don't even know where to start on my relationship with my husband. It is an absolute roller coaster ride. One day is great and the next it's not. When we first met I thought he was amazing and different from the guys I usually date. Within 4 months I was pregnancy and we started our life together. I have been by his side through all of this.
He was diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety, depression, anger tendencies, he doesn't enjoy groups and the list goes on. Some days he is amazing and others days dreadful. Today is one of the really bad ones. He has been lacking motivation to do absolutely anything lately and it is extremely difficult for me to work a full time job, part time job, spend time with our 3.5 year old and take care of our 70 lbs puppy (which he said would change him and I'm so desperate that I agreed to a dog and I don't even like dogs-he has grown on me a lot though). My husband was medically discharged from the forces and it was a constant battle with them when this all started. He was fully diagnosed through them and when you are discharged you don't get to see the same doctors or anything. He just recently got into mental health with his full list of concerns after a 10 month wait and the person he is seeing is horrible.
Tonight was a lot of yelling and crying. I just don't know how to be his support person all the time because I don't have a support person.
Tomorrow I'm going to call to see if I can see a counsellor again. I have seen 3 in total for 10 sessions each because that's how my work system goes.
I'm just not sure where to turn or what to do. I can't float both of us and our life.
On a positive note,I'm happy I found this group and look forward to reading about your tips and tricks to keep you going.
Thanks!

[melgal86]

Hi,
I don't even know where to start on my relationship with my husband. It is an absolute roller coaster ride. One day is great and the next it's not. When we first met I thought he was amazing and different from the guys I usually date. Within 4 months I was pregnancy and we started our life together. I have been by his side through all of this.
He was diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety, depression, anger tendencies, he doesn't enjoy groups and the list goes on. Some days he is amazing and others days dreadful. Today is one of the really bad ones. He has been lacking motivation to do absolutely anything lately and it is extremely difficult for me to work a full time job, part time job, spend time with our 3.5 year old and take care of our 70 lbs puppy (which he said would change him and I'm so desperate that I agreed to a dog and I don't even like dogs-he has grown on me a lot though). My husband was medically discharged from the forces and it was a constant battle with them when this all started. He was fully diagnosed through them and when you are discharged you don't get to see the same doctors or anything. He just recently got into mental health with his full list of concerns after a 10 month wait and the person he is seeing is horrible.
Tonight was a lot of yelling and crying. I just don't know how to be his support person all the time because I don't have a support person.
Tomorrow I'm going to call to see if I can see a counsellor again. I have seen 3 in total for 10 sessions each because that's how my work system goes.
I'm just not sure where to turn or what to do. I can't float both of us and our life.
On a positive note,I'm happy I found this group and look forward to reading about your tips and tricks to keep you going.
Thanks!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi MelGal. I'm glad you found us too!

Living with a BPD is certainly a rollercoaster. But there are many of us here who manage to make it work - it is possible! This site has a lot of wisdom and some skills that you can learn to help you cope.

How old are your kids now? How long since he was diagnosed?

[CKentucky]

Melgal,

I'm new as well and it's nice to meet people that understand, though I wouldn´t wish this on anyone. I completely understand the roller coaster. . My hubby does not believe in therapy and has always quit as soon as he hears something he doesn't like. Now he will never go back. I often feel very alone and times I tried to explain things people don't seem to  understand. I hope this community helps u, it seems great! Good luck!

[drained1996]

Hi melgal86,

I'd like to join ABurke in welcoming you to the site.  As he said, living with a borderline is certainly a roller coaster.  Many here have or are walking the same path you find yourself traveling.  You are not alone!  It's great to hear you are looking for therapy, and it sounds like your husband is willing as well.  A good professional with experience dealing with personality disorders has been of great help to many here. 
One thing many of us have learned, is that we cannot change them, but we can change how we react to and communicate with them.  To the right of this page you will see some tools and lessons you will find very valuable in your journey.  Combining a working understanding of the illness with changing our style of reaction and communication can work well in improving the circumstances. 
You've found a great place for knowledge, understanding and sharing!  Feel free to share any thoughts, feelings or questions.  We are here!   

[Mecaco]

Melgal86 - I wanted to echo the other comments - welcome aboard!  I am fairly new here as well and my counselor recently suggested my wife may have BPD.  Once I started reading up on it, my gosh that sounds like my life in a nutshell.  The stop walking on eggshells book has been a wonderful eyeopener for me, as have the links to the right of this page.  all I can say as an untrained person dealing with this is read, have confidence, share, talk it out and remember to trust in yourself. 

I was surprised how far down the path of distrusting myself I had gone.  It was comforting to know I could come back and believe in me again.

again,welcome!

[NotreDameFan]

Hi,
I'm new to this group too. I just joined yesterday so I don't know what I can say that would help you since I'm just getting started myself. But I felt so bad for you after reading your situation that I knew that I had to reply with something.  I wish that I could help you with some good advice, but for now can I pray for you?  If it's okay with you I will keep you in my daily prayers (I'm not sure about your religious beliefs and I definitely don't want to offend you in any way so just say no if you don't want me to pray for you). I hope things will start to get better for you and that you find a good counselor. I know that it may be hard, but try to hang in there! Sincerely.

.

[livednlearned]

Hi melgal86,

Welcome and hello 

You have a lot on your plate!

What are the conflicts with your husband usually about (if there is a usual)?

What does he do when he is in an emotional dysregulation?

How do you respond?

We're here to walk with you. There are some small things that can have a big impact, helping you be the emotional leader, and we can be your peanut gallery. Cheering you on from the Internet

[melgal86]

Thanks everyone for responding! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to responding.
To answer a few of the questions our son is 3.5 years old now and my husband was diagnosed about 2.5 years ago.
He tries therapy when he goes but has been bounced around so much and has tried so many different types of medication. They work for a few months then nothing.
I agree with you when people just don't understand where you are coming from. All my friends and family think that I have a happy life and that I'm so lucky. I hide things very well but there are times that I am unable too. I luckily have my sister but she looses her patience at times. She doesn't fully understand what our family is dealing with.
When we disagree it could be over something small. He gets triggered over such small things. I don't even know how to respond sometimes because I am not sure how to respond. He doesn't like to hear others opinions when he is upset. I try my best to let it go but it is hard. I remind him that we can agree to disagree. When he is having a difficult time he always manages to turn it around and make me feel like I am doing this to him. Then I start to think that I am suffering from something as well. It is like a mind control game sometimes and so exhausting especially while having a young family too.
I'm going to try my best to find a counsellor that can help me work on me so I can strengthen myself so I am able to help him and my family.
I really appreciate the warm welcome.

[drained1996]

Glad to see you made it back Melgal!  Have you had a chance to see the tools and lessons on the right hand margin of this page?  That's a very good place to start!  Keep us updated and feel free to post any questions, thoughts or feelings anytime! We are here!