New to BPD with in law

[mountainflower]

New to this - my DIL hasn't been officially diagnosed that I am aware of BPD - says she has anxiety and on and off with getting help seems to not be open to consistent help.  My therapist who has been helping me for a year due to issues that were in dealing with this person and cutting me out of their lives since the birth of my first granddaughter she has suggested this and I have discovered that she fits symptoms significantly for BPD.  This week has been another awful week and I am needing information on how to deal with her and my son who I am sure is struggling on dealing with this relationship issue. 

I am convinced she is BPD Now I need to know how to undue any damage I have done because I felt like she hated me and that she doesn't want me involved with my granddaughters.  Also how to talk with my son to suggest this could be her issue or not.

Thank you.  Help very much appreciated.

[livednlearned]

Hi mountainflower,

Welcome and hello 

That has to be so painful when she cuts you out of your grandchildren's life. Do you have a sense of what she is triggered by, or does it seem random?

What happened this week?

Do you think she has a hard time seeing her girls adore you, creating difficult feelings of jealousy that she cannot abide? Or does she seem to take turns with people, cutting them out and giving them silent treatment (including your son)?

LnL

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Mountainflower! 

I'm really glad that you have found us here at bpdfamily.  You are among a group of members who will understand and be able to offer helpful thoughts to you. There is a lot of information available at our site, and it can be overwhelming, so take your time. The important thing is to not only read, but also to absorb.

I bumped up a thread about in-laws that I thought might be helpful to you. It has a 'star' on the left side. When you are able, take time to read through some of the posts by others who are struggling with situations similar to yours.

I'm really glad you are in T.  How did you feel when you read about BPD and found that it sounds similar to what you see in your d-in-l? Were you relieved or did you feel worse?

One important aspect to keep in mind is that you cannot change or control the outcome with someone else. However, you can work on yourself and how you interact with her. It sounds as if she is splitting you black from what you shared, and that you've lost favor in her eyes.

Here is a link about ending conflict:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict
When you go to this link, there are quite a few more green boxes on the right that you may also find helpful, and there is a lot of excellent information there.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. The holidays are especially rough when a BPD is involved.

 
Wools