My BPD ex got married

[gah]

Hi All,

Been ages since I posted on here.

My exBPD just got married to the gal he cheated with - they've been together a year and a half.  Her first marriage, his second.  I have to admit I feel angry.  I guess Jekyl hasn't shown up yet?  How does that happen?  I bought a house with him less than 2 years ago.  The day we moved in Jekyl came with us and Hyde did not - I had no idea before that. After a few months it escalated into violence.  How is this not happening again?

Struggling here... .

[Confused108]

Gah I heard that as sick as it sounds they treat the ones they really love like total $hit and actually run from being with us. They stay with the people they don't actually care about. I know it sounds crazy but I've read several books and have a family friend who is a BPD specialist. I myself have times that I can't myself wrap my head around it. Sorry you went thru this.

[Duped 1]

Gah I heard that as sick as it sounds they treat the ones they really love like total $hit and actually run from being with us. They stay with the people they don't actually care about.

Has anyone heard this? This is the first I've ever heard of it.

[Shedd]

So if they get married to someone, it usually means that they're being treated like ___ from the person they're marrying?

Would make sense to me.

They need someone "They deserve"

[Shedd]

So if they get married to someone, it usually means that they're being treated like from the person they're marrying?

Ugh, I meant to say... .So if they get married to someone, it usually means that they're being treated like crap the person they're marrying?

Sorry for the weird url that got stuck in there. I swear it wasn't there when I posted it.

[Confused108]

Has anyone heard this? This is the first I've ever heard of it.

Read books on BPD and educate yourself. I didn't believe it either because it sounds crazy. But this disorder is crazy! Stop Walkkng on Eggshells.  I Hate You , Don't Leave Me. Get these books and read them.

[Confused108]

Ugh, I meant to say... .So if they get married to someone, it usually means that they're being treated like crap the person they're marrying?

Sorry for the weird url that got stuck in there. I swear it wasn't there when I posted it.

They might. They might not. All I will say is that I have read from several books and a BPD specialist that they will treat the very people that they love the worst. The ones they don't really care about might never get painted black etc. I can say from my own account with my ex I was her 1st love and she went into a mental hospital bc my Mom broke us up. My ex was normal when I dated her and was friends with her for over 2 years prior to becoming involved with her. I had found out she had long term relationships and these people were treated very well. Never ever painted black etc. I was always treated like total $hit painted black etc.  I believe I was the only person my ex loved. That's why I was treated so very badly.

[Duped 1]

I've read a ton on BPD including some of the material you've referenced but never read that they marry those they care less about and leave those they love the most. Also i thought it was impossible for them to treat others well in long term intimate relationships.

[Confused108]

Did I say marry? No I did not ever use the word marry. And that's what I read in both books . Maybe you should re read those books. I myself because I was just so angry with what my ex BPD did to me totally mid read what I was reading until my sister read the books and then told me what I had just mentioned. Just like I also read that not all BPDs act crazy etc with everyone. Some do with everyone and some don't.

[gah]

She's gorgeous, smart, funny (not that I snooped LOL)... .a good catch by the looks of things.  His was in a weird marriage for 20 years, then kept recycling her through other short term relationships. 

I feel as though we got too close and then he switched... .but if he can marry someone and it didn't happen to her?  It happened with at least 2 other exes that he adored... .

What's changed?  You really think it's as simple as he doesn't really care that much?  Could it be he's still chasing?

[Duped 1]

Maybe he's still in idolization mode. From everything I've read and been told, he will devalue her at some point and the cycle will repeat.