It's over and I need to heal

[Me-Time]

I'm in the process of leaving my SO with BPD. Trying to detach but still find myself obsessing over what just happened - I can't believe I fell for it, my whole world was a lie for so long, how could I give up so much of myself for this person, sorrow for her lonely existence that will be her life forever, etc. Logistical matters keep me in the same house with my SO for a (fortunately) short period of time. But we're both staying out and away from each other as much as possible. I can't wait for this to be over, the divorce to be final, and to start picking up the pieces of my shattered life. Coming here and posting is part of the healing process and I'm grateful for it.

[Turkish]

I lived with my ex for over four months until she could move out comfortably. She was already in another r/s. That was maybe the toughest four months of my life.  I asserted boundaries by being a passing ship in the night.  What,  specifically, are you struggling with?

The emotional issues are a given,  but what about the legal and financial issues?

I know it,  well, plain sucks to deal with both at the same time.  We're here to support you though 

T

[lovenature]

Welcome Me-Time

I can't believe I fell for it, my whole world was a lie for so long, how could I give up so much of myself for this person, sorrow for her lonely existence that will be her life forever, etc.

There are thousands of us here who "fell for it", BPD is a very serious mental illness and the mirroring stage is absolute nirvana for so many. What seems like a lie was really a disorder running its course, with very different realities for you and your ex.

Keep reading and learning about BPD, posting, and when you have learned enough about why your ex. did what she did, shift the focus to why you stayed and tried to make it work.

I know how painful it is to finally give up hope for it working out, you're right in saying you need to heal, and you're among friends here who can help.

[Me-Time]

Yes, the legal and financial issues make it difficult to detach because you have to deal with that person. And then a few months later, have to see the person in court for divorce. Wish I could be rid of her and put it behind me right now, but I can't. In a way, though, there's something cathartic about closing an account that we were both on. It's like closing doors one at a time, knowing you will one day soon be closing that final door.

I spent a lot of time yesterday processing and reading the support boards here and speaking to friends. I woke up in a much better space this morning. Turned on Billy Joel's "My Life" and danced around the house! Someone had mentioned thought-stopping and I do find this works for me. Every time I catch myself getting caught in thoughts (ones like I mentioned in my previous post - how could I not see this?, everything was a lie... .) I stop myself and think of what I'm going to do for myself and how I can now go out with friends and not have to answer to her or how I can actually come home from work and not be depressed having to listen to all of her woes and cries for attention and help. I think of alllll of the possibilities and I start to feel joyful! This is not linear, we all know that. I can't just forget and move on the way she has (she is currently recycling an ex of hers - had that set up before she cut it off with me). But the thought-stopping and redirecting myself are so helpful. That's where my name comes from - *Me-Time*! I also have a wonderful therapist who is helping me through this. And I've resolved that while I do still need to talk about some of the crazy stuff she did, I want to focus on exactly why I tried to hard to make that relationship work and why I would allow someone to cross my boundaries to a point that I would give up pieces of myself. I'm caring for myself. There can be nothing better than that.

Thank goodness for all of you. I'll be here to help others even when I'm feeling really good because I appreciate the support you are giving me.