EX BPD Doesn't want to have any contact with me after reaching out.

[Skid80]

Hi

I broke up with my ex BPD 2 months ago because she was being manipulating & threatening suicide.  I called the police in her because I took her threats of suicide very seriously. She has threatened suicide before but never follows through, I didn't know how to handle the situation & now regret calling  the police. 
I told her to get help & to stick to her appointments with her counsellor for DBT as she wasn't & said to her to come & see me after she starts to work on herself. 
I went no contact for a month didn't answer her calls or messages. After 3 weeks I decided to reach out & called her, she told me she has moved on & is in a new relationship & is taking it slowly with the new BF,then a week after I find out that she's single again (didn't last long). I then get a message from her on FB after I unblocked her asking for money I didnt have it to give to her so she blocks me again ( we were messaging each other & seemed to be ok).  I contacted her as to why she has blocked me & she said she is moving forward in her life & that she is happy the happiest she's been in ages & that if we meet up it will make things harder to move on.  I really want to try & work things out & see she is making progress, its almost xmas & I know it can be a difficult time. But I think she might be still angry about what happen even though she says shes not.  I just want to know do you think there is any chance she will come back, I am guessing that her counsellor & sister are telling me not to & that she has probably gone a smear campaign about me. I still think she has feelings for me but is too afraid to admit it & just thinks that if she blocks me out of her life it will make it easier for her to move on, my question is why would someone chose to move on if they still have feelings for you & why is she telling me to stop contact if she feels this way?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[drained1996]

Hi Skid80,

It's really difficult to understand what, why and how a person with BPD feels as their feelings and thoughts are moving targets.  Ever changing to suit whatever their needs and feelings are in any given moment... .and they don't stay in the same place of thought need or feeling for very long.  My suggestion is to focus on something that you are in control of... .which is yourself.  Let's say the opportunity does come up in the future and she is willing to talk... .have you taken a look at the tools and lessons to the right of this page?  They are there as a guide to help you improve your ability to communicate not just with a pwBPD, but anyone really.  What are you doing for self care?  Do you have people in your life you can talk to for support?  Do something today that focuses on you... .no matter how small it is.  Feel free to share any thoughts, feelings or questions... .we are here.   

[mitti]

Hi Skid80   

Sorry to hear what you are going through. My uBPDexbf has rejected me many times despite at the same time telling me he had feelings for me. He told me the fact that he felt that way about me was causing him to feel panicky and he needed space to calm down. Later in T together he was able to verbalise that he felt he lost himself, he became very unsure of the boundaries of his own identity and this became very unsettling for him. He needed space to feel the boundaries of his own self. It is the intimacy and closeness to somebody they feel strongly about that causes the panic.

I am no saying your ex feels this way or if she does because of the same reasons, but it could be. When my ex told me this in T it was the first time I could really understand his reasons for pushing me away, brutally at times. It felt very frightening for him to not know who he was anymore.