Parenting plan "do over"

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have a very comprehensive parenting plan (15 pages) but would like to hear from those who would have constructed their Parenting Plan better.
What would you have put in your PP if you had it all to do over again? What is on your PP wish list for do overs?

[debyt]

I have a very comprehensive parenting plan (15 pages) but would like to hear from those who would have constructed their Parenting Plan better.
What would you have put in your PP if you had it all to do over again? What is on your PP wish list for do overs?

[rarsweet]

I would have liked to write "contingencies" in it. It doesn't matter much now because ex isn't in the picture anymore, but for awhile he had our daughter just for three of my work shifts a week. The pickup was supposed to be a half hour before my shift started, very often, almost always, he was late. He then started not showing up, sometimes emailing me an hour before my shift with excuses not to come. I was constantly scrambling to get my sitter. I wish that I had a contingency that if he didn't show up once he forfeited the rest of the week's time so that I could get my reliable sitter. I also wish there was parenting classes and counseling for my ex in the order.

[ForeverDad]

Rarsweet had an interesting point, parenting classes and counseling.  On the one hand, it may or may not improve the other's behaviors or parenting, too often there is little impact.  On the other hand, it may document the poor behaviors before professionals who may be able to support us if and when we seek improvements in the order.

I think one aspect many of us would have liked was some way to continue parenting even when our Ex disagreed and effectively obstructed.  I'm talking about Decision Making, Tie Breaker or similar status.  It's not full custody but if you can manage to get it into your order then it's effectively full custody just without the name.  Courts are very reluctant to grant full custody (don't want to make one parent feel shut out) and so when there is an impasse our only alternative is to seek mediation or court rulings.  So we end up feeling stuck, unable to proceed without spending months in court.  With DM or TB we can proceed with our parenting and then it's up to the Ex to object in mediation or court.  The point is that it's not us heading to court to seek permission but the Ex who has to decide whether to pursue it.

[rarsweet]

I agree about the decision making part. We had complete joint decision making until 2 months ago. Ex hadn't had contact in 8 months at that point and hadn't gone to doc, dentist, eye, appointments for a year prior to that. Our pediatrician, who had been ex's choice, was 45 minutes away in the next state over. I had been wanting to change docs since I was the one having to bring our daughter to appointments. We live in New England so a 45 minute drive in winter is sometimes not feasible and a closer doc would shorten the time I missed work for appointments. Ex would never agree to switch docs. He also refused to tour preschools saying that she didn't need to go to school yet, she was smart enough. I was literally frozen and couldn't make any decisions. Now we still have joint decision making, even though no contact from him in 10 months, but I have residential for school purposes and sole medical decision making. I also wish there had been a clause about communication, the means of it(email), and the length and tone of communications. For a long time I would get rambling, abusive, 30 sentence texts and emails. Out of state travel is something that wasn't put into our plan until May of this year too. My ex, if he ever contacts me to see our daughter again, can't take her out of the state for any reason.

[trappeddad]

I would add many things.    Among these are:
- Either parties can use skype, facetime, etc.   in place of phone calls.
- A parent coordinator (PC) is required, and the PC must make written recommendations.    If any party refuses to use the court appointed PC, the PC needs to report the reason to the court.     Allegations againt the other party during PC appointments must be provable or agreed to by both parties.    Each parent must discuss issues with the PC before an adversarial action is brought against the other.
- Parents should carve out 90 minutes of the day for the other parent during significant holidays if the other parent requests  that time.    Those holidays are Xmas, Thanksgiving, Easter or the parent or child's birthday.   
-Stipulations for the non custodial parent to take the child for a few days for family emergencies
-A neutral 3rd party must have the chid's passport, and each party must request that passport with travel itineraries if needed.    If a party leaves the country with child outside of their travel plans, that party is financially penalized.
-Custody during less celebrated school holidays (Columbus Day, Washingtons Bday, teacher work-days, etc.) must be addressed.

These are just some of the important areas I would add.
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[debyt]

I am reposting this to see what other responses I get. The first few were good but are there others?

I have a very comprehensive parenting plan (15 pages) but would like to hear from those who would have constructed their Parenting Plan better. What would you have put in your PP if you had it all to do over again? What is on your PP wish list for do overs?

[GaGrl]

My marriage to my self 's dad is as not a PD marriage, and our settlement agreement/parenting plan was 28 pages look ng. Some of it you need to do just for practical purposes, some because you were married to a person with a PD... .just don't leave wiggle room.

Holidays, school holidays... .specific, alternating (h ow

Exchanges... .where?how? Time to wait before being in violation of court order

Same religion... .which religious education will child receive? Religious holidays? What other religious issues could arise?

School... .how to handle conferences, school plans and programs

Extracurricular activities... .who decides, who pays?

Just a few considerations.

[ForeverDad]

I had a lot of conflict with my Ex over exchanges.  For the first few years we were regulars at the Sheriff's office and parking lot.  So when son was in school, I tried to make the 6 pm exchanges at daycare.  She didn't work much in those days and so she felt entitled to take son after school while I was still at work until 6 pm.  I wanted to pick him up at daycare, not from her.  Well, we lost a school and a daycare over those conflicts.

That's why I decided the final decree had to include a clause where (1) my time was mine and her was hers and (2) daycare was considered the equivalent of school.  So when I asked daycare to pick up son after school on my time, she couldn't interfere.

It worked for me and my circumstances.  It might not work for you.  Ponder its ramifications before seeking something like that.