VIDEO | Stop Caretaking the BPD or NPD~ Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT

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"Caretakers have a mixed self esteem - part of it is very high and part of it is not... ."


Date: Apr-2014Minutes: 4:56
Stop Caretaking the BPD or NPD | Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT

We showcase some of Fjelstad's concepts in this article abouyt reducing drama in your life:  bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

About the Speaker
Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist Author: Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (February 7, 2013) Paperback: 190 pages ISBN-10: 144222018X ISBN-13: 978-1442220188

[Panda39]

Recognize myself as a caretaker... .always have but didn't always understand or recognize the dysfunction that can come with that role.  Liked the video would be interested in the book too.  I see a lot of the caretaker in one of my SO's daughters too.

Thanks for sharing the video.

Panda39

[oshinko maki]

Thank you for the helpful video. The truth hurts (why?).
I did reach a point a long the way though, several years ago, where I realized that no amount of care-giving will help and that I no longer care enough to care-give and that I need to minimize interaction and otherwise set borders in order to have any healthiness at all.

[beggarsblanket]

I was definitely caretaking my ex. She said that she needed "a lot of handling," and I was happy to oblige. I tend to take care of others in general in my life, but not to anywhere near the same depth. People come to me with their problems. They tell me they trust me with stuff they wouldn't tell others. It gets so overwhelming sometimes that I have to limit it to those closest to me. I haven't been able to invest that much in others since breaking with my ex (or since meeting her, when all my attention went to her). I do get a sense of satisfaction from caring for others, but I haven't been as capable of it lately. I've been very withdrawn and self-absorbed. I just don't have the attention or emotional energy.

I'm halfway through the book, and I'm getting a lot out of it, but Fjelstad can't cover all cases. In the video, for example, she says caretakers tend to be high-functioning. I don't fit that criterion. I'm high-functioning intellectually, but otherwise I'm impaired. Although my mood disorder is mostly under control, anxiety continues to cripple me in school, work, romance, and even really basic areas like talking on the phone.