sorry, sorry, sorry - oh really

[NotreDameFan]

My spouse blows up at me and later she tells me she is sorry (and sometimes - will you forgive me?).  It's as if she can say what she wants, in the tone that she wants, and then just say that she is sorry and that should satisfy me. I usually just say "that's okay" or "there is nothing to be sorry about" because I don't want to get into it. Does anyone have any advice?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

I think us nons have trained ourselves to pass over what has been done to us. For us to say "it's ok" or "it's not a big deal" is a lie. What they said or did is not ok. They should feel and show remorse for what they did.

I now say, "Thabk you. It really hurts my feelings when X happens. I appreciate your apology and I forgive you." I am able to express my hurt but also praise him at the same time for doing the right thing. And I am very happy for the apology because I used to not get it. In saying "I forgive you" I'm also demonstrating to him that it is possible to have angry and hurt feelings for someone and that person doesn't have to be the enemy or evil (which he often accuses me of being).

[MyFathersSon]

You are fortunate to get an apology at all. My BP yells at me, says incredibly nasty things then blames me for the argument and expects an apology from me. (Please forgive me for ranting, I am lost and hurt).

MyFathersSon

[Lockjaw]

I have a double standard with mine. If I get an apology, that's it, there can be no more discussion. She apologized. However, If I do something an apologize, she gets to fuss at me about what I did before the apology for a couple days.

I have since called her out on it, and said, I want to be on a level playing field. If you can do it, I can. If I can't, you can't.

I swear it drives me batty.