VLC and extended family contacting me

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I'm wondering if anyone has been in this position and can offer some advice.
I am VLC with my parents (not by choice). They are quite hermit-esque with the entire family, including family overseas. It seems I am the point of contact for all of the family when they have news from overseas (death in the family, etc.) When they relay the news to me, they usually mention they haven't heard from my parents for a while and basically I'm in charge of relaying the info. It's very hard. I am trying to maintain some boundaries as this has really been detrimental to my mental health (even a therapist said that to me directly). Has anyone dealt with this? I don't want to be the point of contact for this family overseas (but maybe I am bc I do respond), when they really have no idea what is going on over here (that I am basically getting the silent treatment from my family). Do I just take the news in and hope that it will get to them eventually? Or do I keep breaking LC and inform them every time something happens?

[jane24]

I'm wondering if anyone has been in this position and can offer some advice.
I am VLC with my parents (not by choice). They are quite hermit-esque with the entire family, including family overseas. It seems I am the point of contact for all of the family when they have news from overseas (death in the family, etc.) When they relay the news to me, they usually mention they haven't heard from my parents for a while and basically I'm in charge of relaying the info. It's very hard. I am trying to maintain some boundaries as this has really been detrimental to my mental health (even a therapist said that to me directly). Has anyone dealt with this? I don't want to be the point of contact for this family overseas (but maybe I am bc I do respond), when they really have no idea what is going on over here (that I am basically getting the silent treatment from my family). Do I just take the news in and hope that it will get to them eventually? Or do I keep breaking LC and inform them every time something happens?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Jane24:   

I'm sorry about the situation with your family.  What way have you used in the past to relay this type of info to your parents?  Do your parents have email?  If they do, perhaps you can suggest that the relatives email your parents. If it is a group email, and your parents get a copy, you could always reply back to the sender only, from your prospective, and just stay out of whether your parents acknowledge it or not.(and no group replies that include your parents)

You could tell the relatives to mail your parents a note, via snail mail.  Another possibility is to just repay the message to your parents by US Mail.  You could make it brief and to the point and indicate they can contact the relative who reached out to you if they want more details.

If you feel you have to pass on information, choose the method that would be less stressful for you.   I'm thinking you probably don't want to have to explain VLC with the overseas family. 

What are your thoughts?

[jane24]

Thanks for your reply Naughty Nibbler. Those are some good thoughts.
There is a technology issue where computers/phones are always 'broken' so I never know if the email is working. I have tried to buy them computers/phones in the past (always trying to fix the issue) but those always mysteriously are never working either.
I have given up on the 'fixing' and have backed away quite extensively now. I am learning to also think before I act, thanks to therapy. Before, I would always jump in and react and that was not always the best response for me. I have learned it is ok to take a breath and figure out what *I* need to do in situations. The key is for me to be the change, as I've found out they are not going to be the one who does. A hard lesson.
Thanks for taking the time in reading and replying 

[Naughty Nibbler]

Jane24:

I'm glad to hear that therapy has been beneficial for you and that you are taking care of "you".  Old school mail can be magic.  No one can push a button to make a spontaneous nasty reply.

Hope 2017 brings you good things.