What Therapy Works For You?

[JJacks0]

I've been seeing a therapist for free through my university's health center on and off for years. There's nothing wrong with it, but it really isn't meant to be long-term at a place like that, and lately I'm having more issues. I'm wondering if paying to see someone who is more specialized in what I need might be better. I guess I'm not quite sure what that would be though.

Since my break-up my anger has gotten really out of control. Sometimes I scare myself because I remind myself of my ex when she would rage. I'm sure what I'm going through is similar to what many of us are experiencing, so I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations - kinds of therapy that has worked well for you.

I've been avoiding alternative options since I don't have insurance, but my anger has been so intense lately that I think I need to find someone I can work with more in depth, something more individualized, and someone who I can continue to see after I graduate next semester. Honestly I've found this site to be more helpful than any therapy so far... .which is great, but I know I need both.

Any thoughts are appreciated.  

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi JJacks0:  

I tend to think that interactive type of therapy work better.  Cognitive Therapy is one option.  My therapist likes Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).  When I asked for a book recommendation (after "Stop Walking on Eggshells", she recommended the following:

"The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris
Printouts for exercises related to the book can be found at this website:
https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/

I've found it helpful to explore some things on my own and bring subject matter to a therapy session. You might want to explore on you own and then initiate a discussion during a session at the university. Sometime, I've printed out some subject matter from the workshops on this website or something I have found on the Internet for discussion.  It can help to discuss some of the communication techniques.  

The link below should be helpful:

ANGER AND HEALING:

bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=75098.0

I hope you have a calmer and happier 2017
 

[JJacks0]

Thank you!

I'm going to look into the links you've provided.

I really appreciate it... .this is the sort of thing I was looking for.

[Grey Kitty]

Can you be more specific about what you want to address in therapy? For example, PTSD, codependence, depression, anxiety.

You mention anger. Are you uncomfortable with feeling angry, or do you have a history of doing things that you've later regretted when you are angry?

There are lots of different kinds of therapy. Different ones address different issues, and a given therapist will probably have one, or perhaps a few that they are most comfortable using.

[JJacks0]

I think part of the problem is that I haven't been sure exactly what to target now that we're no longer together. In the past we focused on how to deal while within the relationship. But now I'm mainly freaked out by my anger... .I never used to act the way I do now. Ever since the break-up, I've started to do things I regret when I'm really angry. It's embarrassing, but I really struggle to control it.

So that's my primary focus at the moment. I've gotten to the point several times recently where I've thrown things (at the ground) or hit things... .and verbally I can be really out of line. I want to fix that ASAP. It's very reminiscent of the way my ex used to rage.

Additionally I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks in the past. It's been brought to my attention that I display some PTSD-like symptoms, but I'm not sure if that's true... .all issues and anger stem from things that occurred throughout our 7 year r/s and the aftermath since we've cut off contact.

[JJacks0]

Also - I've never read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Is that something worth reading after a relationship has ended?

Or is it primarily just beneficial for use during a r/s? Just wondered since I've heard so many good things about it.

[Grey Kitty]

I haven't read SWOE, but I do believe that Randi Kreiger's more recent book "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" is worth considering as well or instead. You would probably get more value from these books if you were still interacting with a pwBPD in your life... .although most of the skills you learn this way will carry over and help you interact with "normal" people better.

In short, interesting, perhaps helpful, but not a real priority.

Others who have had anger issues might be better able to suggest therapy for anger management--I've never needed help with that, so can't recommend anything from personal experience, other than mindfulness meditation--practice at accepting (without acting upon) whatever emotions you experience, including anger.

I would recommend that when you look for a therapist, you tell them that you want to start by dealing with your anger like this, and listen to what kind of treatment plan they recommend for it.

[lovenature]

Hey JJ

SWOE is definitely worth reading, it is relevant to detaching because the more you learn the better able you are to decide what is best for you. I found that the more I learned about BPD, the more my anger dissipated, and the more I realized that detachment was the best option.
Other books I found helpful were "Tears and Healing", "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist", "Codependent No more".

[JJacks0]

Thank you both.

My aunt is a proponent of transcendental meditation so I'm looking into that now as well.

It's very expensive but apparently really effective.

[Naughty Nibbler]

My aunt is a proponent of transcendental meditation so I'm looking into that now as well.  It's very expensive but apparently really effective.

Learning TM doesn't have to cost anything, unless you want an authentic experience and pay for a seminar or expensive teaching.  You can find TM tutorials, mantras, etc. by Googling for them.  Videos are available on YouTube by searching. There are apps for Android or Iphones

I learned TM many years ago, when it was all the rage.  I paid for instructions at that time.  I have a cousin who really got into TM, lived in an ashram for a period of time and visited India.  She generally related to a guru, and that would change from time to time.

When I had my TM lessons, I was told that the mantra I received was special and I shouldn't share it with anyone.  Had to laugh when a few years I did some googling and found a website with a list of mantras.

During the last couple of years, I've tried guided meditation.  I've found some great free ones on YouTube.  I found a little free download tool, so I've downloaded some to my Ipad.  I like to have something that I can access without an internet connection.  For me, the end result from TM and guided meditation is similar.

[Grey Kitty]

I've done Vipassana (usually translated as mindfulness) meditation, following Buddhist traditions. My teachers learned in Thailand and Burma, but other traditions come from Japan (Zen), and Tibet, as well as other parts of the world. Mindfulness in the mental health community mostly came from people who had learned these practices, and translated them more for Western thinking and more focused short term results.

Mindfulness is very different from TM in the practice, but you can also find it either free or cheaply. If you are interested, I would recommend looking for a local community or group, where you can meditate with others once or twice a week. (Paradoxically, you are doing all the work alone in your own mind and body, but doing it with others really does help. Explaining how or why is difficult, but it is true.)

If you live too far away from anything of the sort, there are online resources too. (Google is your friend) I'd be happy to share more if you are interested.