12-year-old Daughter with strong BPD traits

[sullengirl79]

Hi, I am a single-mother of a 12-year-old daughter who is currently in a psychiatric medical institute for children. She has been there for about 6 weeks, after a month long court ordered stay at our local hospitals child psych ward, due to self-harming. She has been hospitalized 3 times for suicide attempts starting in July 2015. The most recent on September 28, 2016, was a close call after taking 30-40 phenobarbitals prescribed for our dog. She was Air lifted to a major hospital where she stayed for 2 weeks. Since being in the residential PMIC, she has had numerous self-harming events, including cutting, drinking ink from pens, and today swallowing broken glass from a Christmas tree light she took and hid in her room. She has attempted to punch and choke out staff, attempted to jump out of an upstairs window, been in a few physical altercations with peers, and is having gender identifying issues. I am very concerned about her, she has been diagnosed with social anxiety, major depressive disorder, and an "unspecified personality disorder", which I believe to be BPD. Any comments or advice is welcome, I'm very glad to be a part of this community.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi sullengirl79,



I'm sad to hear that you're D12 is going through this. I'm sorry. I thought that professionals didn't give a diagnosis before a child turns of age because teens have black and white thinning, a criterion for BPD. I'm sure that someone else here with more experience with a child with BPD will have some advise.

That's a lot for a parent, i'm a single parent and single parents have been higher chance of burning out. I do a lot of self care to stay ahead of that, what do you for self care?

What's your support system like? Do you have a non judgmental friend or family member that you can turn to? Are you seeing a T? I'm glad that you decide to join us, you're not alone.

[Turkish]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this,  that's a lot to go through.  What happened after today's incident? Is she safe,  and are you?

Can you give us some background about how she started developing these behaviors?

[heartandwhole]

Hi sullengirl79,

I'd like to join Mutt and Turkish and welcome you to the community. I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter's troubles. That is extremely tough. I'm glad you joined the site, as you will meet members here who understand what you are going through.

How are you coping, sullengirl? The situation must be terribly stressful for you. Do you see a therapist as well for support?

Keep writing and sharing your story. It really helps. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi Sullengirl, I join everyone in welcoming you to the BPD Fam. I have found the people here to be more compassionate and understanding than my own family, after all, they can relate.

We were also struggling with our D16 for a yr prior to residential placement.  It was a very, very difficult time in our lives.  The good news is it can get better and has.  She spend 8 months in a residential program and our family is closer/more functional now than ever. 

As mentioned previously, many drs are hesitant to "label" children under 18 BPD due to their brains are still growing/changing. However, after much study and further investigative work interviewing we parents, my D was dx.  Simply reading "Stop walking on Eggshells" is a good place to start. In reading the book I felt I could have written it.  My D had exhibited 8 of the 9 criteria! From what I've learned early intervention is key and may have the best outcome treatment wise.

What is her medication regimen like?  Our D was struggling with some of the meds and eventually they were all scrapped during her last hospitalization.  From what I recall, Lithium is the only FDA approved med for impulsiveness and/suicidal thoughts, though it does take time to get into the therapeutic range and blood tests are needed for monitoring. Mood stabilizers have been added on too as well as an anti-depressant that actually helps. It takes time to find the right cocktail, and meds alone were not enough. Lots of family and DBT therapy and new coping skills were learned thru the journey.   

I hope you find comfort here as we all have walked paths similar.

[sullengirl79]

Thank you all for your replies, you're right... .the support shown is very high indeed here. It is much appreciated! I'm going to do my best to answer your questions, please let me know if I miss something!  My D is doing well, I've visited her the last 2 days, thank goodness there were no harmful effects done by the glass and she's been in pretty good spirits since. Her med's are fluoxetine in AM, then clonazepam, tramadol, & seroquel every night. Last night was the 1st for seroquel, she said it "knocked her right out" last night. She has been having ongoing problems with going to sleep at the normal time. She had never taken any med's up until September of 2016.
I am not currently seeing a therapist of my own, but can see it happening in the near future, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. I have a close relationship with a few different Luthern Services of Iowa workers, which is where I took my D from December 2015-September 2016, and they are still in contact with me and have been a huge support system for me, probably my best one. The only other is my mom, but we've had our ups and downs the last couple years too.
Which brings me to a little more background for you guys as to how my D got in such a tough place. When she was 8, I started my 2year+ battle with my old jobs work comp company. I had to voluntarily take myself off work because I needed a neck fusion and a separated shoulder surgery both, due to overuse of my body at a fairly physical job. I ended up having a 2nd neck fusion due to rupturing a disc when going thru rehab for my shoulder surgery. All because I had all 3 operations within 15 months, plus lost my job due to it and 36% of my body as a whole. This was a terrible time for me, all of that plus wrapping my mind around how I was no longer going to be as independent as I had been my entire life. I was so angry at this company for denying me care on a timely basis and for continuously lying to me, that I thought it best at the time to spend more time in my room so my daughter couldn't see me get angry or lose my temper. I didn't want her to learn that's how we deal with that kinda stuff. Plus having the worst migraine ever didn't help me to remain calm or very Mobile. I know now she suffered by me not being there emotionally for her like I always had. This was also around the time that my boyfriend, D. moved out after a year and a half with us, who's younger son and my D were best buddies. He had met someone else even tho we had never had 1 argument during our whole relationship, and I believe this really left my D depressed. Especially since she has always felt her own abandonment issues from her father, who was in her life only as it was convenient for himself. After his 2nd child was born almost 3 years ago now, my D drew a picture on her bedroom wall of him, the other kid, then an arrow down to "B." which underneath she wrote "B."... .the daughter he never wanted).
After all of this, middle school started, which is when I learned of the slightly older, no good boy D had friended. When I checked her iPod 1 day later, I see a long conversation between them where D 1st talked about cutting and killing herself, he did the same. I told her I did not want her around him or these older kids, that's when the running away started, beginning of her 6th grade year. She didnt come home from the bus 2-3 times and would randomly cut, I searched her room a couple times a week and would constantly get sharp objects out of there. She told me recently that she had stayed the night at that boys house when she wouldn't come home from the bus stop. And that he would punch her on the body when she wouldn't do what he wanted.  I'm wondering now if that has more to do with what's going on with her, she denies him sexually abusing her in any way, but I remain questioning on this. Her grades plummeted that school year also, going from A's & B's to D's & F's. she had a huge amount of tardies, over 100. Her friends began dropping away 1 by 1, and she was left by herself again. She lost all interest in what she used to enjoy, playing basketball, gymnastics, riding bikes, and now is talking about being transsexual. Which a lot of the kids at the residential center she's at, say also. At the start of this last school year, her grades remained very poor, she still was having issues with her peers, and the cutting started up again, this time so bad she broke a picture frame in front of me and my mother, using it to cut her forearm up horribly. She flies into fits of rage when she doesn't get her way and is almost obsessed with being in control of any and all decisions made concerning her. In a recent doc report she stated that "my mom is 1 of my biggest stressors. She thinks she does what is best for me but she doesn't. I know she cares but it's almost too much." And she's only 12! Her cutting has gotten out of control, lying is becoming such an issue I don't think she even realizes when she does it anymore. There is such a night and day difference between the kid I knew for 10+ years and the new one, who's been here for going on 2 years now. But like I tell her everyday... .I love you more today then yesterday and I'm never going anywhere without you by my side. She is my everything.
I believe there was 1 more question, what do I do for self-care, which I've learned just how important that is! For me it's listening to music, which I have always loved and turned to in times of distress, playing with my dog, and immersing myself in my online games. Also educating myself on her conditions has helped me remember that I'm not alone and there are many others in the same boat, which prompted me to find you guys. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to read about our struggle and lending a helping hand. I hope I answered all of your questions, and until next time... .have a happy and safe new year

[Mutt]

Hi sullengirl79,

I'm happy to hear that you're taking care of yourself because it's super important during difficult periods, any period really so that your cup doesn't run empty. I'm so sorry to hear about how you treated with your company. That's good news that there irreversible effects from the glass, do you have any updates?