hierarchy in BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

is there such a thing as hierarchy in BPD?

my stbex uB/NPDw works for a man that I do not know, but would seem to have strong traits of B/NPD in the workplace. She admires him professionally and as a person (his advice is always taken as gospel), and yet she has suffered, and continues to suffer his abuse for 20 odd years... .one resignation but then back again.

STBex's previous r/s was to a man with (according to his adult daughter - 2nd year psychology fwiw ) NPD.

So here I am with my own set of emotional parameters that would seem to put me at the bottom of a pile of narcissists, or rather at the top trying to get away from their unhealthy habits.

is there anything to be learned from it?

I know my wife can see very clearly the nasty behaviour and damage caused by her boss, yet fails to see the same destructive interactions taking place at home, where she now becomes the perpetrator, leaving her victim role at work.

Any thoughts?

  actually the time she actually left her abusive boss was shortly after we met... .so one could assume that at that time our r/s was not too bad and gave her the strength to reject the abuse... .?

[earlgrey]

is there such a thing as hierarchy in BPD?

my stbex uB/NPDw works for a man that I do not know, but would seem to have strong traits of B/NPD in the workplace. She admires him professionally and as a person (his advice is always taken as gospel), and yet she has suffered, and continues to suffer his abuse for 20 odd years... .one resignation but then back again.

STBex's previous r/s was to a man with (according to his adult daughter - 2nd year psychology fwiw ) NPD.

So here I am with my own set of emotional parameters that would seem to put me at the bottom of a pile of narcissists, or rather at the top trying to get away from their unhealthy habits.

is there anything to be learned from it?

I know my wife can see very clearly the nasty behaviour and damage caused by her boss, yet fails to see the same destructive interactions taking place at home, where she now becomes the perpetrator, leaving her victim role at work.

Any thoughts?

  actually the time she actually left her abusive boss was shortly after we met... .so one could assume that at that time our r/s was not too bad and gave her the strength to reject the abuse... .?

[rosesarered777]

My BPD used to tell me how sorry she felt for a man going through a divorce. I always thought it was strange and told her as much -- which upset her. I said I sympathized with him but I did not feel like I should be helping him in anyway.

Be careful as I later found out that she had a crush on him and she claims that he invited her over and "raped her" and she went along with the sex! I didn't believe the story because we were officially together and she was working late for this guy (or so she claims) up until 2 or 3am. Now that I am more cynical and wiser, I have no doubt there were a lot more lies going on than my naive mind was accepting. I registered that it was odd but I didn't realize it was another time where I should have run, run run so far away that she would never have seen me again!

But the allure of a BPD is very strong and enticing...

[jonmnemonic]

I think the issue is they have no or limited ability (desire) to assess their own behavior.  My BPD could point out everyone's flaws but her own.  She could see real abuse for what it was when it came to other people.  When it comes to her she'll call anything and everything abuse which in reality is when she doesn't get what she wants it's called abuse.