Wow! this describes EXACTLY what I see DH do all the time. There is essentially his opinion, and wrong. Other people's opinions have very little validity, and he has a very hard time letting people close to him do things he thinks are "wrong."

Listening to this does make me think perhaps that DH is more NPD than BPD. I just don't know. Maybe I am the BPD one. How much does it matter?

I haven't tried that self-test yet. I just joined over the weekend, and am trying to make sure that I don't get so lost in all the wonderful resources and tools here that I neglect work and family. I did the Schemas one- I will try the one you linked to next.

Through other sources I have identified that I struggle with high-functioning anxiety and co-dependency, and I have found a number of tools over the last few years that have helped me improve a lot. This might help point to additional tools.

Thank you!

I found this interesting especially in the part where she says the partner has much more power than she usually thinks. I would tend to agree... .although often it's tough to see it that way if the partner doesn't accept the behaviour and it results in discard.
That being said... .I'm not sure I would call this "disarming" the narcissist. She offers interesting insights... .but not really a means to disarm him/her unless she means that empowering the partner will disarm the npd?

Oh I see. This talk is probably more "understanding the narcissist"... .but I think I see where the disarming comes from... .But I would more likely buy a book called "disarming" than "understanding" 

this reminds me of some of jordan petersons work