AUDIO | Disarming the Narcissist ~ Wendy Behary, LCSW

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Date: Dec-2014Minutes: 31:00
Psychotherapy Research | Wendy Behary

About the Author
Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and a faculty member at the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York. She is also a distinguished founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and high-conflict couples therapy.

[Kyanite]

Wow! this describes EXACTLY what I see DH do all the time. There is essentially his opinion, and wrong. Other people's opinions have very little validity, and he has a very hard time letting people close to him do things he thinks are "wrong."

Listening to this does make me think perhaps that DH is more NPD than BPD. I just don't know. Maybe I am the BPD one. How much does it matter?

[Skip]

Listening to this does make me think perhaps that DH is more NPD than BPD. I just don't know. Maybe I am the BPD one. How much does it matter?

Different tools work better with some personalty types than others. So it matters in that sense.

As for our self, know our own dysfunction coping helps us have better "inner critics" and get along better with others.

Have you tried this member self-test?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128254

[Kyanite]

Different tools work better with some personalty types than others. So it matters in that sense.

As for our self, know our own dysfunction coping helps us have better "inner critics" and get along better with others.

Have you tried this member self-test?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128254

I haven't tried that self-test yet. I just joined over the weekend, and am trying to make sure that I don't get so lost in all the wonderful resources and tools here that I neglect work and family. I did the Schemas one- I will try the one you linked to next.

Through other sources I have identified that I struggle with high-functioning anxiety and co-dependency, and I have found a number of tools over the last few years that have helped me improve a lot. This might help point to additional tools.

Thank you!

[DreamGirl]

I like her views and approaches as far as treating patients both with Narcissistic traits and those who are in a relationship with someone who has Narcissistic traits. She seems to be very grounded and takes on the issues in a very pragmatic way. 

Like when she's discussing that the manipulation isn't devious, more of a coping mechanism or that as partners, we aren't really victims but are dealing with the situation based on our own schemas.

I really enjoyed it. 

 

[caughtnreleased]

I found this interesting especially in the part where she says the partner has much more power than she usually thinks. I would tend to agree... .although often it's tough to see it that way if the partner doesn't accept the behaviour and it results in discard.
That being said... .I'm not sure I would call this "disarming" the narcissist. She offers interesting insights... .but not really a means to disarm him/her unless she means that empowering the partner will disarm the npd?

[Skip]

That's her book... .

What would you call it?

[caughtnreleased]

Oh I see. This talk is probably more "understanding the narcissist"... .but I think I see where the disarming comes from... .But I would more likely buy a book called "disarming" than "understanding" 

[breakfreerut]

Why is it ALWAYS the assumption that the WOMEN are the victims?  I'm the Man who has to SUFFER under my Narcissist wife!

... .what was described in the discussion was so accurate about how I felt under the power of a narcissist.

BUT it DOESN'T give any solutions just get out of the relationship.  This is a coward's approach.  and they promote the "look after yourself" first philosophy- a selfish approach!

[modusoperandi]

this reminds me of some of jordan petersons work