Hi Woods77,
I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. It is certainly understandable. Four months is not that long, although it can feel excruciatingly long when we are in pain. You've lost a lot, and it takes time and patience and effort to get through the grief.
It sounds like your dad is not very supportive. Do you have other people in your life whom you can lean on right now? What about a therapist? It can really help to talk with someone objective and knowledgeable.
I thought Id feel a bit better by now but I feel worse and miss her a lot and keep thinking of her and getting upset or just want to go back to her. Any advice?
It's human nature to want to go back to former situations when we feel stressed, even if those situations were hurtful. It doesn't mean that it would be best for you, though. I know how compelling it feels, but try to breathe through the urges to go back and give your mind and body a chance to rebalance, if possible.
Are you able to exercise self care right now, Woods? It's important. It can be scary to focus on YOU after spending a lot of time focusing on someone else, but in my opinion it's part of the growth and change that needs to happen if you want to thrive again.
We're here for you.
heartandwhole