My mother may have BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Dear All, I am posting here because I am currently reading a book called are you treading on egg shells and it recommends that joining communities can be a big help. I am very excited about this venture I am about to take. My mother has brought me and my sister well. She was a single parent but had multiple relationships while we were growing up. She got a lot of comfort from feeling wanted by a significant other but could not always maintain relationships with the significant other either b cause she got bored or the other could not handle her intensity and mood swings. She can at times be harsh and unpredictable. The reason I am posting on here is because we are facing a challenge between her and my partners parents. Myself and my partner have a 5 year old son and my mother and mother in law have had conflict which is impacting on mine and my partners relationship. My mother gets very competitive with my in laws and I know it is because she is afraid of losing me to them. How do I cope with this? Thank you

[Retic2016]

Dear All, I am posting here because I am currently reading a book called are you treading on egg shells and it recommends that joining communities can be a big help. I am very excited about this venture I am about to take. My mother has brought me and my sister well. She was a single parent but had multiple relationships while we were growing up. She got a lot of comfort from feeling wanted by a significant other but could not always maintain relationships with the significant other either b cause she got bored or the other could not handle her intensity and mood swings. She can at times be harsh and unpredictable. The reason I am posting on here is because we are facing a challenge between her and my partners parents. Myself and my partner have a 5 year old son and my mother and mother in law have had conflict which is impacting on mine and my partners relationship. My mother gets very competitive with my in laws and I know it is because she is afraid of losing me to them. How do I cope with this? Thank you

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome  Retic2016:  

Sorry about the problems with your mom.  Sounds like she may have a FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

You can't change her,  but by using certain strategy and communication skills, you can make things better for you and your husband.  You have power over the way you interact with and react to your mother.

For starters, avoid bad triangles.  The article on the Karpman Drama Triangle will inform you about bad triangles and then the healthy triangle to aim for.  Also, the article on avoiding circular arguments will help.  

Check out the links below:

AVOIDING CIRCULAR ARGUMENTS
bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0;all

KARPMAN DRAMA TRIANGLE
https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

Certain communication skills will be helpful. The ones below are good for starters:
VALIDATION

VALIDATION - DON'T INVALIDATE

SET

WISE MIND

Check out the lessons and let us know what you think. Perhaps you may want to share some specifics about some situations and your mom's behaviors. Is there a recent situation you might want to share the specifics of?

[P.F.Change]

Welcome, Retic2016. 

Stop Walking On Eggshells was the first time I ever read about BPD. It felt validating to see my mother's behavior and the difficulties in my relationship with her described there in print. Like yours, my mother has mercurial moods and feels jealous easily. The tools and community here at  bpdfamily have been very helpful for me. I'm glad you've joined us.

Is the conflict between your mother and your partner's to do with your son? Do you feel caught in the middle, or somehow responsible for helping them resolve it? We hope to hear more from you when you're ready.

Wishing you peace,

PF