No more Eggshells... help

[LilyLadybug]

Hi there!
So, my partner is newly diagnosed BPD... .well, new accepting that diagnosis anyway.

This is my first time seeing it up close, in a partner, though I've seen it in a work setting before. Basically, same story as anyone else, I constantly upset her and anytime I disagree or say anything challenging, she escalates it. I know she can't control her emotions and behaviors at times but I need advice on approaching her in a loving way about concerns or issues that will create the least likely potential to set her off. I'm a pretty confrontational person so this is challenging for me, but the manipulation and frustration she causes is what I struggle with.

I want to be more patient, so any advice would help!

Thanks in advance

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[isilme]

Not sure if this helps, but I've been working on trying to simply try to take as little personally as possible when the dysregulated emotions start talking.  I know that while the BPD is part of H, it's not the sum total of H, and so I kinda separate the BPD rage/emotional behavior from the more agreeable behaviors, and while I pay attention, I try to validate, I also try to not internalize any of the emotions thrown at me.  If he's insulting me, I try to ignore it.  If he's trying to egg me into an argument so he can vent his emotions and then blame them on me retroactively, I try to side step it, leave for an errand, or find a task that takes me away so I'm not there to be the target.  And when I'm stuck, and can't escape it, I try to not dwell on it most of the time.  Obviously, I DO feel bad often enough to need to post here.  But, posting on here seems to be an okay strategy, too, as I do it from work where H does not know, it lets me express my own feelings in a safe place where I can go back and re-read it, and where others can let me know if it seems I'm way off base or maybe validate my own feelings a little. 

[livednlearned]

Hi LilyLadybug,

Can you say more about what you mean in terms of pretty confrontational? Maybe we can look at a specific situation with you and help point out places where there's room to tweak.

In what ways is she manipulating you? How do her BPD symptoms manifest?

LnL