superstitions

[Jessica84]

Has anyone found themselves getting superstitious in your relationship? blaming inanimate objects? I have thrown away clothes if we got in a fight while I was wearing them. Yeah, it was the sweater's fault! I noticed certain colors set him off - so I mostly wear blue now. Orange is ok, but pink seems to trigger him. Certain foods seem to create conflicts, while others we never have trouble - so now I hate pizza. When I sit to the right of him, things are better than when I sit on his left. I think it's safe to say this disorder is officially getting to me. I didn't used to think like this. I'm sure it's some desperate attempt to control the uncontrollable, but I'm running out of clothes and terrified of pepperoni.   

I used to be normal... .I think? 

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[Notwendy]

I think this might be that a bad memory is associated with the things you were doing, eating, wearing. Like a memory association. Smells can do that- a certain smell can be associated with a memory.

Doing things to try to control an outcome is like OCD- but the underlying cause is anxiety. If you have a fight while you are wearing a certain sweater, then the sweater could remind you of that- and you'd think " if I wear this sweater, we'll have a fight". That's anxiety, not superstition.

This could be related to PTSD in a way. We do form certain memories. Once a woman yelled at me in a parking lot. Some sort of road rage. Someone without my experiences with BPD mom might have thought " this woman is crazy" but there was something about her voice that triggered a reaction with me- I was fearful and anxious for several minutes. I think this is from how I was raised.

Vacations seemed to trigger my H. He loves the beach and we went there a lot when the kids were little. It is a great beach, but now it is also associated with these memories for me. Yet, he doesn't recall them. He always wants to go back, but I don't really want to. It isn't the beach that caused this but I now have these memories that make vacations there less appealing.

I think it is good that you are aware of these behaviors. I think the concerning part is that this relationship could be a source of anxiety and you are coping with it in this way.

[Cat Familiar]

It could be that you've become overly sensitive to his preferences in an attempt to avoid dysregulation.

My husband has a lot of weird food dislikes. Cucumbers because he was once given a cucumber as his "lunch" when he was a child in England on a canoe trip. Green beans because he once visited a hippy commune and everyone had left for the day and the only food available to him were green beans that were stringy and tasteless. He's got several other anecdotes connected to various foods that he despises.

I understand about certain clothes holding memories for me and like you, I've gotten rid of things due to that. I really don't thing there's anything pathological about that. It's definitely a First World Problem.   

[Jessica84]

Thanks to you both! Always the voice of reason. Makes sense that we would tie memories to places or objects. His wild mood swings for the last month are definitely triggering something in me. I was OCD as a child and noticed I'm having to fight old impulses again. I was obsessed with order and cleanliness.

Trying really hard to stay centered and not let his moods affect me. Easier said than done when one minute he's laughing, the next he's glaring at me with hate in his eyes. He started taking his meds again last week, which has helped some, but he's still unstable/unpredictable and it's increasing my anxiety.

[cbm419]

My low functioning BPD ex had all sorts of odd superstitions he kept himself and was very vocal/open in sharing about to me and others. I never found myself adopting them but gave up on trying to get him to rationalize.

We did have a romantic "omen" of sorts the night we met. We were laying on an old dock staring up in the sky and saw four shooting stars in quick succession. During a time of year with no recognized meteor showers. It was super cute. But he became very obsessed with the moment. It lead to him sometimes thinking I was a space alien (really! Sincerely) or other cosmic entity, at times partially one of these things, as if it was in my lineage somewhere.

At times he thought I had some heavenly aspects: like the ancestor of some angelic bloodline, or diefed ruling family. I do have some royalty many hundreds of years ago on my dads side and telling him that amplified his superstitions.

Other times he literally flipped it to I was demonic or could be temporarily seized by demonic forces. Lol, wonder what would trigger that? Think all of us on here could guess.

Also, superstitious about dates. The whole month of January the eggshells became ostrich sized because in January of 2015 he had a psychotic break for several days, attempted suicide and ended up in a ward for a couple weeks.  January 2016 was a bizarre experience. Literally the whole month had became cursed to him. He wanted us both to withdraw from activities and we could NOT be apart.   kept demanding my support and understanding. Would split and dysregulate twice as easily. When mentioning how sensitive he was being he would snap back "of course I'm like this! It's January."  

I can understand how someone may appreciate a time of year more or less because of a good or bad memory, but this went beyond any logic. It wasn't "as if" January was a supernatural month now. It's that IT WAS a supernatural month from now own. He wholeheartedly believed this. And any hesitation to accept that was met with horror and anger at how little I understood his trauma.

Looking back the illness points to/explains so much of this.  There were so many more examples I could write too.