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Author Topic: Needing help with Husband  (Read 485 times)
WifeInOz
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 55



« on: January 06, 2017, 10:03:13 AM »

  Hello Everyone,

 I am a 42 year old mom of 2, stepmom of 1. My husband(53) and I have been married for 14months, he is a borderline, has been diagnosed as a borderline (I had done research and then confronted him about his symptoms and about a diagnosis , he admitted that he was diagnosed years ago). We had a wonderful last 5-6 months. I finally thought he had somehow "gotten better", how incredinly stupid of me to think that, for I know Borderlines DONT get better on their own with no help. IN short, my husband makes mountains out of mole hills and twists things around to make it look like im this MONSTER SCUMBAG of a person. The latest in my life of Oz: A few nights ago he came out of my son's room and said "Matthew said someone took some of his hershey kisses! Find out who did it!" Well , I AM the one who did it, I had a craving  Smiling (click to insert in post) but I was afraid to admit it to my husband and panicked so I said "I dont know who did it"... I was afraid he'd call me names, he does this often when stupid things such as this make him mad. Plus he has called me "fat" a few times lately and didnt want to hear that again. BTW, I have about 25 lbs to loose but Im not a heffer! I  a few minutes later I confessed that I had done it, and he freaked out on me. He called me "LOSER, LIAR, Scumbag! Youre a lazy piece of ___ who sits on the couch all day and leeches off of me". All of these wonderful choice compliments over candy! Which I admit I shouldnt have lied, but I only did to curtail his rage and verbal abuse. I snapped and as I was going upstairs I said, "In DONE with your verbal abuse and name calling! Im leaving!" He then came upstairs and said, "Ok, if you are leaving give me your rings!" He then proceded to grab my ring finger and forcibly take my wedding ring and engagement ring off my finger, tugging and pulling, as I was fighting back saying "NO!" He finally got them off and now my finger is swollen and bruised. I didnt mean what I said when I said I was leaving, Im just so sick and tired of his treatment of me.
 I finally told the truth because I hate lying plus he was about to blame my daughter!  BTW, Im a stay at home mom who is a teacher by trade who is trying desperately to find a teaching job. I do substitute teach a few times a week. So Im not a lazy piece of Sh*t. I also clean this house very well and take care of the children, have dinner ready every night and respect him and treat him like royalty. This situation with the candy happened two nights ago, this morning he told me that the reason his is mad at me is because " I lied and threw my children under the bus and that makes me a cockroach. Im a cockroach just like his ex wife, and I should have just told the truth. If I could control  my urges I wouldnt have taken the hershey kisses, Im not disciplined and thats why I'll always be a fat ass." "Im a ratfink scumbag" This is what he said this morning before work.  How does this happen? How does a small lie about having some chocolate spiral out of control to the "crime of the century" ? Can anyone else relate to this insanity. HELP!  :'(  I know I shouldnt have told a lie, but I never meant to "through my kids under the bus". I didnt blame them. That is why I FESSED up. HOW does this HAPPEN?
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Tattered Heart
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1943



« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2017, 08:55:29 PM »

I know exactly what you are going through. This is the way my husband frequently acts. Little things become big things.

One of the things this site really helps with is teaching us that before we can start making it better we have to stop making it worse. I've found that when I try to justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE) I just make it worse. For me this often looks like just acknowledging and apologizing for the thing I did wrong but not for the things that aren't wrong. Validating his emotions always helps too.

You'll find a lot of info in the links on right side of the page.
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