What About Me

[Tattered Heart]

I currently took my last dose of Effexor after a year of tapering off. It was causing some heart related side effects so I had to come off. But my brain is physically trying to get used to not having this drug. I'm easily overwhelmed by little things, such as noises or too much activity going on around me. I'm crying quite a bit oftentimes for no reason but other times when I get so overwhelmed I  just have to release it.

Of course my BPDh is taking all of this personal. He then thinks my emotions are all about him when honestly he has been the least of my worries lately. What I really want is not for him to fix whatever is bothering me, or yell at me for overreacting, but instead for him to hug me and just tell me it's going to be ok. But I don't think he is even capable of understanding that. I don't think he is able to not take it personal.

How do you take care of your own emotional needs when you need comfort that your SO is incapable of giving?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

Hi Tattered Heart-

This is a tough one. I know we want to turn to our partners for emotional support, but we need to consider that if someone has BPD - they have difficulty managing their own emotions. In addition, if they have poor boundaries- when we are feeling difficult emotions- they may feel really uncomfortable in the presence of those emotions.

My H is fine when I am feeling happy or loving emotions, but expressing unhappiness, anxiety or fear can cause a paradoxical reaction in him. He feels genuinely bad - doesn't like to see me cry- but he seems to have one way to express his emotions- anger. He gets angry.

This doesn't help- in fact- it has escalated the situation. I cry, he gets mad, I cry more, he gets madder.

It is a dilemma. How does one stay faithful to the marriage while getting support elsewhere? For me, it is with a counselor and also 12 step co-dependency groups. I can turn to my sponsor to discuss difficult things. Not my first choice, not what I had hoped for in my relationship, but I think radical acceptance is in play here. I think - if my H broke his leg- would I expect him to run? No. So how could I expect someone to help me with my emotions if that is a difficulty for him?