Custody Issues

[LightLife]

Hello,
I am new here. I am looking for some information with other's experience with custody. My custody hearing is set for Jan 20th, in just a few weeks. I recently filed for divorce from my suspected BPD husband, and have a 16 month old son. I have been the primary caretaker, although the exBPD took me to court for an ex parte hearing and made substantial claims he is an equal co-parent (he has been home with no job of much of the time, but he did not do the care), and is asking for 50%, even nights, and I feel this in inappropriate for such a young child. Mist parenting plans suggest otherwise. At the ex parte hearing the judge ordered Monday, Wednesday, Saturday 9am-6pm, and every other weekend Saturday 9am-Sunday 6pm, although I asked for him to have profession visitation and no overnights. So she obviously thinks my story isn't entirely true I'm guessing? My recent filed declaration (and its asks for a phyc eval) for the next hearing is much more substantial with some evidence of texts and police incident report so I am hoping that will at least open her eyes.
Another issue that is bothering me is that my exBPD husband appears not he outside to be father of the year, and thinks and says he is too. He is obsessed with out son, and his interactions with him are overly emotional and very stimulating (think cartoon faced type smiles and laughs and loud exclamations of his love over and over again, but in a crazy weird kind of way). I worry that he'll be awarded a decent amount of custody due to his lies and appearances, but what will the effects of his behavior be on out 16 mo old son? I have no idea how he cares for him now the times he does have him, as he had never done it before.
Thanks!

[livednlearned]

Hi Lightlife,

Welcome and hello  I'm sorry for what brings you here, and glad you found the site.

It sounds like you filed for divorce and then had a temporary custody order that your husband then disputed with an ex parte motion? What was the ex parte motion about that he filed?

What is the nature of the police incident and text messages? And how long ago did the incident/text messages take place?

Hang in there. These are marathons, not sprints. This site helped me so much, and over time, I ended up with full custody (and my ex is a former trial lawyer!). We're here to walk with you.

You're not alone 

LnL

[ForeverDad]

A psych eval may just mean some testing.  While it may reveal some PD traits, it may not result in a diagnosis.  Also, in most areas it seems a psych eval (PE) is not as extensive and in depth as a custody evaluation (CE) which includes additional sessions, each parent bringing in the children, and an overview of the family dynamic overall.

Understand too that asking for a psych eval may end up with the court ordering a PE for you both.  That may be easier to get then just a one-sided order.

Keep in mind that courts will pay less attention to adult behaviors (how he interacts with you and others) and focus much more on the parenting behaviors.  Have you documented his lessor parenting behaviors as compared to yours such as when you parented versus when he parented?  Having a journal or log with dates and details means more than the "he said, she said" in court testimony.  Without other support it can appear to the judge as just more bickering and be largely ignored as hearsay.

One problem is that the nonworking spouse, or as my ex claimed "I work from home" (making $100-$200 per month), means the working parent gets less consideration.  I think he got the midweek hours because he wasn't working.  Since the marriage is ending, it might be a good theme to repeat that he ought to get back to working again.  I couldn't control what my ex did with her once-separated life, but at least I got the court to impute her income at a level she could have earned.  Well, pretty close, they imputed her with minimum wage, though her pre-child job earned a little above that.