Mother with BPD

[Lilbug]

Hello Everyone  .

I am a 55 year old woman with a BPD mother.  Didn't realize this until in my mid-40's like many others.  It wasn't until I had raised my own children did I realize how terrible my own childhood was as I would never in a million years do to my children what my mother did to me. 

She is still going strong, but now I know what she is and I don't care anymore about her manipultive breakdowns, tears, guilt, threats, harassment etc.  She can leave me all the nasty voicememails she wants, I am in low contact stage at this point. 

Happy to meet you all!
Lilbug

[Notwendy]

Hi Lilbug,

I didn't figure my mom out until I was middle age- and it was parenting that helped me to realize that her behavior was unacceptable. I can't imagine treating a child the way she treated hers.

It's hard to see something that is so familiar to us in a different way. Growing up, my mother had convinced me that I was the cause of the issues in her marriage with my father and the cause of the way she behaved. She also minimized it saying things like we had typical teen age -parent issues. Having experienced teen age kids, I realized the issues were not just dealing with typical teens.

One of the reasons it also took me so long to figure things out is that, once I left for college, I believed that my FOO would be OK. Since my mother was quick to blame me, I had no reason to think otherwise.

If I was the cause of the problems, then my leaving home would fix it. Since I really didn't live at home after I left for college,  I believed it- as I didn't see what things were like when I wasn't there. If I came home to visit, and there were issues, well, the explanation was that I was there.

Welcome to this board!

[Naughty Nibbler]

I'd like to join NotWendy in welcoming you.  

I'm glad you took back your power. Has your mom's behavior changed in any way, since you quit caring about what she says and does?

I' looking forward to hearing more of your story.