Destructive Cycle

[Sparco]

I have been married 18 years to my wife who I believe has BPD.  I carry a significant burden dealing with the rage episodes and the complete denial of the rage episode the next day.  I carry the stress daily.  My children are influenced by the behavior and the take cover to avoid making their mom mad.  The rage episode are not logical and can be tough to predict.  I have pushed for her to get treatment but she quickly denies the reality of everyday life and seeking to diagnosis me with a variety of conditions.  This trap is maddening day to day.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WifeInOz]

Hey Sparko!
 I hear ya! This is my life with my husband... .its maddening, I know! We just came off of one of his "dark BPD" cycles after 5 to 6 GREAT months... .its like he has to blow up at something , no matter how trivial, for a few days to "LET OUT" his pent up borderline energy. IT is NOTHING like IVE EVER experienced. I have only been married a year and he is already, at times, making me sorry I got involved at all. Keep the faith and read the information and advice on here. It helps!


J

[Tattered Heart]

Sorry to hear you go going through these cycles. They are so frustrating and disheartening. The stress of this is not yours alone to carry. IT's important that you take care of yourself so that you can help care for the children too. Lots of great lessons on the right side of the screen to help you learn new tools and techniques to communicate better with your pwBPD.

[Wrongturn1]

Welcome Sparko!  I've been married to my uBPDw for 19 years now.  She has just slumped into a down phase, and I'm forecasting BPD fireworks when I get home tonight.  However, I'm not feeling stressed about it as I am prepared to implement boundaries around abuse - I will leave the conversation if it becomes abusive and am prepared to leave the house for awhile if necessary. 

My suggestion for you would be to start improving your situation by reading the "Lessons" and other tools and articles in the right-hand margin of this page.  Focus on learning emotional validation and boundaries, and odds are, your relationship will improve.