More concerned now that she is respecting me and hasn't contacted me

[unsureuncertain]

I was in a relationship with my BPD ex gf that ended badly. She kept contacting me despite my repeated requests that she refrain from contacting me as I wanted to get on with my life. The bitter and antagonistic end to our relationship cost me a lot - friends, my job, financial security, self-esteem etc.  In the past month she actually stopped contacting me. No text messages or phone calls or emails. I am actually more concerned that she is finally listening to my request  and worry that she is up to something. I know NC is best but I'd feel better contacting her almost as a checkin to make sure she is not up to anything. I just find it weird that she is finally listening to me and it worries me somewhat. I definitely don't want to be back with her but should I check in with her or just maintain NC hoping its for good this time? Could she have found someone else? Or is she up to something?

[SoMadSoSad]

Most likely she has found someone else as borderlines need to have an attachment to feel whole.

[Hisaccount]

Haha, I know exactly what you mean. It is better checking in to know what is going on rather than living in fear of what they are up to, and fear is the best word.

We are detaching and I know we shouldn't care what they are up to, but we do have some ptsd and it is natural. When I pickup my phone I am scared every time it will be her name on the ID.

Mine has been going in spurts. Nothing for a week then dozens of messages for no apparent reason.

[Pretty Woman]

Why does it matter?

I understand the PTSD element. I had to take anti-anxiety meds for awhile but didn't stay on them long. I figured I would have to get over this eventually.

You are doing so well with NC. Contact is only going to set you back. So you contact her and find out:

A) She is up to something
B) She found a replacement and is pre-occupied
C) She wants to re-engage with you

If you carefully look at all of the above, NONE of this will benefit you in anyway. It's better not knowing. BPD's are really unpredictable. The only predictable thing about them is their unpredictability (ironically).

There is a part of us that WANTS them to want us. Otherwise we wouldn't be struggling. We want validation from a person incapable of validating us. Also, why do we care so much? This person HURT us badly and we want recognition from them.

That's screwed up.

Disengaging is a process. It takes time and hard work. It's not overnight.

Respecting someone and not contacting them is NORMAL behavior. Why don't you take it at that and try not to analyze. Analyzing the unknown only hurts us.

Lets give ourselves a little love (and credit) today.