Dating a much younger guy with BPD, NPD, DPD You name it

[Rose Quartz]

Three months ago I started dating a much younger guy.  He immediately moved in with me from day one and 3 weeks later we started sharing only 1 cell phone.  At first, I thought it was adorable that this good looking, much younger guy wanted to hangout with me 24/7 and was comfortable giving me all his social media passwords etc.  Five weeks into the relationship he said he had BPD and I went into shock because 10 years ago I had ended a 6 year relationship with someone with BPD and they were the worst 6 years of my life.  However, this time around I'm older, and I would be able to handle it more maturely, as previously so I decided to continue the relationship.  It has been only three months and I doubt I can do this much longer.  He won't leave, yet every single day I have to hear him insult me.  Calling females and saying because of me he called them.  He knows what he is doing is wrong and he just wants to see what I will do.  Thankfully, I am much, much older that I am able to brush it off.  I just wonder if its worth it? Its already hard enough having to be in a relationship with someone so much younger than me, now having to deal with BPD.  His parents like me and they say I have so much patience with him.  They are afraid he will never have a healthy relationship. 

He started going to therapy today and will be attending a program for four hours a day four times a week.   Realistically, it has only been 3 months and I'm exhausted.  We are very compatible in every area just when he is going through his episodes and that is starting to be daily lately.  Can someone with BPD and whatever other disorders he might have be in a healthy relationship? do they improve or grow out of it or should I get out now?

Thank you for helping. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lockjaw]

I would run and hide. Why would you let someone move in with you on day 1?

[livednlearned]

It's really important to have good boundaries with someone who has BPD. They tend to have none, and need them. Often, that work falls to us.

Without boundaries, BPD behaviors tend to regress, so you end up feeling like you're living with a child instead of an adult. Part of the problem is a BPD desire to merge with someone, and that isn't very sustainable or realistic.

Does he have anywhere he can go? Your relationship success probably depends on your ability to establish some healthy distance and it sounds like that is a nonstarter with the ways things evolved in your relationship.

It's a good sign that he is going to therapy. Is it DBT?