In addition, it takes courage to stand tall for yourself and make choices for yourself about what you will tolerate in a r/s while staying.
Listen, there will be days where he reverts and uses some sort of emotional blackmail... .let him. It's his choice, not yours. You be strong enough to go do something else and let him sort our how he will do with your "non participation".
I respond a lot after beeing blackmailed. The new thing is: "If you care for our relationship, then you should ... .xyz " He sais it not in an angry, but in a pleading or injured voice. And then I think, I really should ... .xyz, because I am still there and in consequence should give him a real chance. He asks me to fix things that hurt him. Mostly, I say yes ... .and after a couple of hours I say no. Then he's hurt ... .and I feel guilty. Guilt-talk is a huge thing in our relationship.
And no, I don't manage to stop that feeling or behaviour of mine.
Great job on couples therapy and I'm glad he is responding.
Thanks. Although I am not sure about it. The therapist doesn't get what's going on between us. She thinks we're two pigheads with communication problems. :-/
What are you doing to heal your feelings?
Nothing. I am detached and don't want to get pulled in again. I am fed up, but I don't feel personally hurt anymore. I can let past things be past, when I think of a future without him. But when I think of a future with him, fear overwhelmes me. I don't want to go through that again.