Recovery from the smear campaign...

[NewStart]

Well, starting to worry a bit about the smear campaign and my recovery from it.  My uBPB/NPDstbexw is high functioning, beautiful and very engaging.  We live in a very tight community where everyone knows everyone or at least of someone to some degree.  I know that time will tell the story, but my wife has been on what seems like a year+ smear campaign to neighbors, kids parents, her coworkers whomever.  My closest few friends have seen what really is going on, but this woman, my NPDw, she is like a smear artist, a Picasso of the smear campaign.

Anyway, I know that so many out there worry about the same thing, but I'm kind of over focusing.  Things are moving along with our divorce and I've stepped back and realized I've been emotionally abused behind closed doors for three years, most of my friendships are gone, she going to probably walk with a large chunk of my money (probably going to have to take a second job) and people in our community are all going to look at her as a victim and me as some sort of jerk... .

So who out there got of the other side and any tips to push through?

Thx,

NS

[ShadowA]

There's some good one liners in another thread in order to shoot down the smear campaign.

However, when it comes to smear campaigns. Telling people your story always just makes you look crazy, ironically; Unless it's actual friends/family or people you know well.

Basically you're just going to have to live with the smear campaign and laugh it off.
There is not much you can do otherwise. As you trying to defend yourself just makes you fall into the trap.

[NewStart]

I agree shadowA trying to tell our side only makes us look crazy... .time always tells the truth has to be my mantra as it will play out again and maybe then people will see. 

I guess the thing that eats at me is that I was the rescuer, I'm the nice guy and always have been... .and somehow now I'm the disordered one in other peoples eyes... .

Guess I just need this over sooner than later so I can begin rebuilding me... .my family... .my home... .my friendships... .

NS

[LifeIsBeautiful]

i've been going through a smear campaign myself for past 2 years on and off. You can get through it. The purpose they do it is to hurt you and your reputation. If you let then get to you then they have achieved their objective. Treat yourself good and don't let what others think or do affect your happiness and well being. Easier said that done, I'm still working on it, like anything else it takes practise to be good at it.

[NewStart]

Thanks for the thoughts LifeIsBeautiful!

Yeah trying to let it roll off my back, but getting very tough right now as we're getting to the hard part of the divorce and neighbors that I've known for over a dozen years (she's only been here three) have become the focal point of her smear so now people all over my community that I've known since my kids were little look the other way when I wave, invite me to neighborhood gatherings, etc... .it does hurt especially when I don't even know what she's told them?  Really hard to defend yourself when you don't even know what it is you're defending against.

And now that she's started to use my stepchildren as pawns in the smear campaign it's all becoming quite hurtful and unhealthy.  Not really sure to do, but continue to smile and say hello... .

NS

[LifeIsBeautiful]

I went through that period of "shame" too with neighbors, colleagues, family, and started closing up like a clam. But I decided to break out of it gradually, and started reconnecting to people that were important to me. Some of them may not be receptive to what we tell them, but that was ok because I was prepared for that. I started trying to meet and make new friends to widen my social circle. I even opened up to some of my colleagues about my situation, and was surprised that they faced similar problems though not exactly the same. Yes you will feel vulnerable opening up, but I realized that if I didn't communicate to people they will assume the worse. Even if they didn't accept what we told them, I felt I was validating my own feelings. Believe in yourself in the first place, and let others work themselves out because ultimately we can't change what they think. I felt my xBPD partner had a way of making me doubt myself, and they has still stuck in some ways. We need to shake that dirt off and let our inner self shine like before.

[NewStart]

Hey LifeIsBeautiful,

Ouch, So your smear campaign is still on going even after two years?  Were you married to your BPDex?

Yeah it feels pretty bad now, I walk into places or see people around and now I'm just paranoid they have an alternate opinion about me.  As for at least one set of neighbors I know they do for sure as my uNPD/BPDstbew goes over to their house almost every night.  It's just not healthy, for example last night she dropped the kids off in the driveway at our house with fast food then drove the 5 doors down to the neighbors to hang out.  And these particular neighbors are the ones always out walking about telling everyone about everyone so I'm sure our story is front page news... .well my wife's narrative anyway.

So yes, at some point when things settle down I want to say something to certain folks, just not sure right now what I'd say.  My hope, like so many others here, is that time will tell the story when she goes through it all again, and if she does our community is small enough people will surely know... .not wishing bad upon her... .but a huge piece of me wants it to happen to her again because I selfishly feel I want the vindication it would bring.

NS

 

[bus boy]

I also live in a small community, where Xw is from most people know her family is crazy but where she works, most people don't know her family so she can run wild with her smear campaign. But I tell myself " nothing from nothing is nothing". Keep on moving forward don't react.

[Plsticsman]

Right there with you.  My in-laws FINALLY saw the truth a year ago Christmas.  And I'm just now realizing how bad the smearing was.  But it did take 25 years... .

And I agree, working your side into the folks that are hearing the crap already is difficult/impossible.  All I've managed to accomplish is that we have no friends. 

[NewStart]

Yikes, I'm hoping working through this doesn't take 25 years!

My though is that if I speak to the right people, the people that know me and a few people in my neighborhood who matter the truth will trickle out there.  Again, I think the most powerful counter to the smear campaign will be time as I struggle to believe the her behaviors won't come out in her next relationship as they were so crazy making.

NS