Regressed BPDh considering temp. separate living? Yes/no

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, this is my first time posting here after recently discovering my husband has BPD. We've been together 6 years, a roller coaster, his emotional rages have been an issue since the beginning. I thought maybe he was bipolar, then I thought it could be intermittent explosive disorder, he also suffers from alcohol addiction and has been in and out of treatment for many years. My mother-in-law was an amazing support and she sadly passed away suddenly last year triggering the most regressed BPD symptoms in my husband. Years of sobriety gone, near daily rages, hints at sucidical thoughts, also dysregulated sleep schedule (staying up all night several nights a week), not knowing what day of the week it is, daily panic attacks, the list goes on... .We recently started seeing a new couples therapist who confirmed my husbands BPD and I feel like the therapist is encouraging me to leave the relationship or take space from it. We have two young kids and although I agree that our children shouldn't live in an unhealthy environment with someone suffering mental health issues, I also don't want to set-up my husband for disaster by sending him off to live separately right now when he is unable to care for himself fully, I also don't want to trigger his abandonment anxiety. Help, any suggestions, also walking away during rages is difficult with two little kids, he follows my out to the car yelling profanities while I buckle the kids into their car seats... .huge embarrassing dramatic scene.

[PeaceHeart]

Hi, this is my first time posting here after recently discovering my husband has BPD. We've been together 6 years, a roller coaster, his emotional rages have been an issue since the beginning. I thought maybe he was bipolar, then I thought it could be intermittent explosive disorder, he also suffers from alcohol addiction and has been in and out of treatment for many years. My mother-in-law was an amazing support and she sadly passed away suddenly last year triggering the most regressed BPD symptoms in my husband. Years of sobriety gone, near daily rages, hints at sucidical thoughts, also dysregulated sleep schedule (staying up all night several nights a week), not knowing what day of the week it is, daily panic attacks, the list goes on... .We recently started seeing a new couples therapist who confirmed my husbands BPD and I feel like the therapist is encouraging me to leave the relationship or take space from it. We have two young kids and although I agree that our children shouldn't live in an unhealthy environment with someone suffering mental health issues, I also don't want to set-up my husband for disaster by sending him off to live separately right now when he is unable to care for himself fully, I also don't want to trigger his abandonment anxiety. Help, any suggestions, also walking away during rages is difficult with two little kids, he follows my out to the car yelling profanities while I buckle the kids into their car seats... .huge embarrassing dramatic scene.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Healthy88]

Adding to my earlier thoughts. My H didn't drink excessively in my presence or rage much. My children did do well while I stayed with H, as long as I was able to maintain a loving, calm, structured environment for them so staying did not really hurt them, up until the last year or two.

Not understanding what was wrong, H's poor treatment of me, inconsistencies, immaturity, disconnection and extreme impulsivity and unpredictability caused health issues for me. I was used to and; therefore, function much better in a stable, consistent, mature, connected environment. My marriage is nothing like my upbringing. I really was never able to adapt, did not have a lot of support and just wore down over the long haul.

You may want to look into the concept of a theraputic separation, which can be clearly defined and possibly not push him over the edge; especially, if you are hoping to possibly work things out if he gets some help and sober again? Just a thought.

Good Luck,
H88