So Tired - Need Encouragement

[Recycle]

I'm so tired.

My uBPDm has been a broken record for about 10 years now. I've done everything in my power to maintain our "relationship" within my very strong boundaries. I've read books, been to years of therapy, and have an awesome support network but it is still so difficult.

She has "disowned" me twice and called a week later like nothing happened.

I'm just so tired.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Recycle:   

I'm sorry you are feeling worn down from dealing with your mom.  I am glad that you do have an awesome support network.  You state that it is still difficult and you mom is a broken record.  What are some of the disturbing behaviors that keep repeating?

She has "disowned" me twice and called a week later like nothing happened.

  I can understand how this is perplexing.  I've experienced this with my sister.  It can be difficult to deal with and understand.  Sounds like you had a recent episode?

[P.F.Change]

I understand.

It's exhausting coping with a mother's BPD. What do you need for you right now?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Recycle]

Hi NN and PF:
I just got your responses. Thank you! 

Yes, my uBPDm recently "disowned" me (again). It's been about a week since we last talked (this is unusual). She usually calls me within a week like nothing happened (frustrating, but typical). This time, I have a feeling there will be a longer silence because she used phrases like "I cannot let you continue to hurt me anymore" and "I need to step away from you to protect the rest of my life."

She truly believes that I am the one causing her harm. And her "pushing back" about the "harm" I cause her gets worse and worse as I strengthen my boundaries and do more and more things with my life that I enjoy and strengthen my boundaries. Note: I am 40 years old. At 25, I began to realize she did not know what it meant to be the parent of an adult child. She still wanted me to act like I was a kid because when I was, I fulfilled her emotional needs, so I got therapy and have been working hard on myself every since. She's gone the opposite direction.

It's so sad to see someone I love so sick. I am willing to accept her behaviors in order to keep our relationship (within my boundaries). But, not even that seems to be working for her anymore. :-(

Tonight, I plan to eat a delicious dinner cooked by my spouse and start rereading The Golden Compass in my recliner under a cozy blanket. <3

[h27]

Hi Recycle,

I feel exactly the same way. My mother also acts in the same way - saying horrible things to me and acting like nothing happened a few days later. She is also a broken record, repeating constantly that I ruined her life and that she wants her life back. It seems like she lives in a fantasy world.

I am now 27 and have been in therapy for a year and a half, ever since I finally realized that my mother's behaviour couldn't possibly be normal. It has helped me a lot to understand that I am not the problem, but she is.

I am currently trying hard to focus on my boundaries and trying to protect myself against the harm and unhappiness she causes. I am glad that you were able to put up some walls and create boundaries and am curious about what kinds of actions you took and how this came about.

I understand your frustration, since this has been going on for years. Does your mother acknowledge she has BPD? I tried to talk to my mother about this once, but she accused me of being sick.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Recycle:   

  I am 40 years old. At 25, I began to realize she did not know what it meant to be the parent of an adult child. She still wanted me to act like I was a kid because when I was, I fulfilled her emotional needs, so I got therapy and have been working hard on myself every since. She's gone the opposite direction.     

Good for your for working on yourself and getting therapy.   Your mom is responsible for her own emotions and she can choose to go to therapy 

This time, I have a feeling there will be a longer silence because she used phrases like "I cannot let you continue to hurt me anymore" and "I need to step away from you to protect the rest of my life." It's so sad to see someone I love so sick. I am willing to accept her behaviors in order to keep our relationship (within my boundaries). But, not even that seems to be working for her anymore.   

I'm sorry your mom is getting worse.  Perhaps advancing age might be a cause. Has anything changed in her life lately, perhaps something causing her extra stress?

Tonight, I plan to eat a delicious dinner cooked by my spouse and start rereading The Golden Compass in my recliner under a cozy blanket       

Sounds like some good TLC