Hi onomatopoeia and welcome.
Being with a pwBPD is tough. Here, you'll find many people who've gone through the difficulties you've faced. You'll get support here.
He always thought very highly of himself in some ways - so all of our friends were jerks, etc. He also gave me a very hard time about seeing my family. Anytime there was a family event, it was ALWAYS a problem.
I relate to this. Eventually, my relationship moved into this stage. Inevitably, between life commitments, it was just much easier to avoid family altogether. I would have to handle some issue with my ex around family arrangements.
My family wants me to get a divorce. My friends want me to get a divorce. The ONLY person who ever knows what is really going on with my husband is me. I told his parents (who help care for our daughter) that he was in an IOP and when he found out I told them he was beyond hurt. He told me I have no right. Maybe I don't, but it is so hard being the only person who knows the truth.
You seem to be feeling very lost and uncertain. When I was in a point similar to this, I definitely felt isolated in addition to these feelings. It seemed like people understood less and less what and how my relationship was progressing. I discovered many people had been in my situation and things got better as I sought emotional, then practical answers.
From here, I think what will really help you to process much of what you've been through and gone through--in order to move forward--will to learn how to defuse conflict. You can find that as #1 on the sidebar to the right. Stop the bleeding is here:
https://bpdfamily.com/deciding_guide/01.htmWhat helped me when I was experiencing conflict about my decision making was emotional and intellectual space. That's involved in #2 on the right sidebar. Since you're still heavily involved with the pwBPD, the best thing you can do to
create that space is to learn to stop the bleeding.
I encourage you to exercise self compassion during this time onomatopoeia. I look forward to your progress with your story.