Email from Her: Dark Humor Means High IQs

[Aiming4Kindness]

Received an e-mail this morning from my uBPD fiancee' who I'm getting ready to leave.  The e-mail contained a link to an article about how people with dark senses of humor tend to have high IQs.

She sent the article because I've been triggered by a number of her "jokes": Jokes about stabbing me and my dog and a joke about her slitting my throat while shaving the hair from the back of my neck.

Posting this because a part of my brain seriously started questioning whether there's any justification to hear "jokes".  I know the answer is NO.  Just need support from this amazing community.

[once removed]

ive seen the article

simply, you are not comfortable with this manner of joking (understandably) and you have stated that. shes justifying her jokes and saying lighten up.

Posting this because a part of my brain seriously started questioning whether there's any justification to hear "jokes".

there really is no justification to hear these jokes when youve unequivocally asked her not to.

[SuperJew82]

That is scary. This sounds more disturbing than BPD. Be careful.

[vortex of confusion]

Some people like dark humor and some people don't.

I am of the opinion that it doesn't matter if it is a joke or something else. If somebody says, "It bothers me when you do <fill in the blank>" then it is a good idea to respect that and try NOT do it. If somebody continues to do those things, then they are being disrespectful to you. It doesn't matter that it is a sign of high IQ.

Set aside the fact that it is disturbing. Continuing with the dark humor after you have expressed a distaste for it is dismissing you and your feelings.

[SuperJew82]

No don't get me wrong, I can get dark humour... .but maybe I'm missing some context here - but her jokes do not sound funny at all. They sound like thoughts about harming people/animals close to her.  It's not like she is telling a Holocaust joke or something similar. I'd be a little concerned.

[infjEpic]

Received an e-mail this morning from my uBPD fiancee' who I'm getting ready to leave.  The e-mail contained a link to an article about how people with dark senses of humor tend to have high IQs.

She sent the article because I've been triggered by a number of her "jokes": Jokes about stabbing me and my dog and a joke about her slitting my throat while shaving the hair from the back of my neck.

Posting this because a part of my brain seriously started questioning whether there's any justification to hear "jokes".  I know the answer is NO.  Just need support from this amazing community.

There is dark humour (which I can enjoy) and then nastiness (which nasty people try to pass off as dark humour).

IMO, this 'humour' which you are describing is like a flashing warning beacon saying 'I have strong ASPD traits'.

[woundedPhoenix]

Funnily, i saw the same study pass by on facebook.

I read it, and the conclusions where true, only what they describe as dark humor is VERY different then what you got to read from you pwBPD.

Rationalisation. That is what is going on. She knows inside that her remarks are off, but looks for ways to make it allright.

"I say all those cruel things, masked as a joke, but hey, i am not to blame, it's cause i am soo intelligent, read this"

 

[SuperJew82]

Seriously, be very careful man. Your exit strategy should be carefully planned. BPD with antisocial traits can be dangerous. My ex later told me she did horrible things to her previous ex's. I've heard some insane stories about what they do when their emotions explode. Error on the side of caution. Get a therapist involved in your exit strategy, if possible - or read some exit strategy articles here.

I just read a post here on bpdfamily where his ex hit him with a car.

[Aiming4Kindness]

Thanks, all, for reminding me that I'm not crazy :-).  And yes, I'm definitely working with a BPD expert and an attorney to plan the exit.  Planning for that tomorrow afternoon.

[SuperJew82]

Good luck friend! It sounds like you got this.