Introduction

[fiberartyogini]

Hello,
I am 39 and just picked up the book Understanding the Borderline Mother.  Three of my counselors have said that my mom is likely borderline, but I never wanted to delve into what that meant because I was convinced that I could help my mom heal from her difficulties.  This Christmas, my grandpa passed away and neither of my parents went to say goodbye to him or came to comfort my grandmother.  They ended up getting furious at me for doing both those things.  For the first time, it was so clear cut that my actions were not wrong and not meant to be against them, and with the help of my boyfriend, I finally came to see that nothing is going to make them happy about my actions.  What I do will never be enough for them to feel loved.  I decided to buy the book on the Borderline Mother, and while reading it, felt like someone had been recording my childhood, incident by incident.

I have now blocked both my parents phone numbers from my phone.  My mother used the home phone last Friday to leave a message that she was thinking of killing herself because of my lack of communication.  Scared and disturbed, but wanting to keep my boundaries, I called suicide prevention.  My dad answered their call to make sure that my mom was okay and told the prevention line guy that I was making it all up.

That sealed the conviction that I need strong boundaries to keep myself safe.  Now I feel strongly that owning my childhood and all the fears, guilt, and terror I experienced will help me to create my own life of freedom.  This feels like a very healing time, but I know I would benefit from the support of others who have experienced similar things from their parents.

Thanks for listening.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome fiberartyogini:   
I'm so sorry you lost your grandpa.  Was there a specific event that led to your parents ignoring your grandpa & grandma? 

Sounds like you have had a difficult time with your parents.  I can see how hurtful that is.  The situation with "Suicide Prevention" had to be difficult for you and very frustrating.  I'm sorry for all you have been through.

Now I feel strongly that owning my childhood and all the fears, guilt, and terror I experienced will help me to create my own life of freedom.  This feels like a very healing time, but I know I would benefit from the support of others who have experienced similar things from their parents.

The Survivor's Guide, in the margin to the right of this post, should be helpful for you.  What step do you thing you are currently on.

We look forward to hearing more from you.  helpful for you, as you take steps to heal.  We look forward to hearing more from you.   

[Kwamina]

Hi fiberartyogini

I would like to add my welcome to the warm welcome you've been given by Naughty Nibbler.

I too am very sorry you lost your granddad. I am glad that you were able to say goodbye to him though and comfort your grandmother. Were you grandparents aware of the way your parents treat you? Did you share the possibility with them that your mother likely has BPD?

I have now blocked both my parents phone numbers from my phone.  My mother used the home phone last Friday to leave a message that she was thinking of killing herself because of my lack of communication.  Scared and disturbed, but wanting to keep my boundaries, I called suicide prevention.  My dad answered their call to make sure that my mom was okay and told the prevention line guy that I was making it all up.

This is a very unpleasant experience you had. I can imagine that receiving such a message from your mother is quite unsettling. Is this the first time your mother has expressed thoughts of suicide or has she done this before?

It is sad that your dad responded the way he did, but I think you were right to call suicide prevention. Whether your mom was serious or not, the general advice we give members in these situations is to take any and all threats of suicide very seriously and get professionals involved that are trained to deal with these kinds of threats.

Take care

The Board Parrot