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Author Topic: Narcissistic mother  (Read 728 times)
Circle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #30 on: February 11, 2017, 01:25:17 PM »

Rey, sorry that you had to find out about your Dad, from your Grandmother. And, that your Mom is being a jerk! Hang in there. Glad you made it through the low point, and are hopefully on your way to feeling a little more centered.

I agree with Rey; it stinks to not have other people believe in the way you have been/are being treated. They just see this person as being flawlessly nice. It has taught me to be much more aware of how people behave, if it is revealed, before you are alone in a cabin with them. It is harder if this is your real Mom, yet because of this kind of stuff, I've learned to begin to start trusting my assesment of other people. They may be alright as friends, or aquaintances, if showing bad behavior; yet not someone to trust with more intimate matters.

Just a refective side thought. Hope I didn't intrude.
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Rey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 21


« Reply #31 on: February 14, 2017, 08:45:22 AM »

Thank you Board Parrot for the link. I will definitely use that in order to get ahead with this.

Circle, you are not intruding in any way! And you are completely correct saying that my mother is a jerk because that is exactly what she is! By the way, I still have not heard from her - 20 days. The good thing is that I'm not expecting anything anymore. I am also very glad that I have a good social group, great friends and a wonderful husband that cheer me up.
The problem with people is that I never was able to judge or assess people because my mother kind of always told me that I don't have my own opinion and I'm always wrong judging people so it still is hard for me to make the right decisions. I trust people to easily and I always see the good in people. And it seems like I don't have that gut feeling... .I guess it's like that I can't trust my own judgment. It's hard to explain.

Thank you all for posting! This helps me a lot!

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Circle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2017, 12:14:23 PM »

Glad not to be seen as too tangental.
There is the gut/intuition side of assesing people.
What I am talking about, is more of the logic side.
Seeing and hearing when people reveal things through their actions.
Then, taking note. And, allowing yourself to act on that knowledge.
I only brought it up, because it helped me make progress with my step mom & dxBPDso.
It's just something you see repeatedly on bpdfamily.
People dealing with volatile partners, and not trusting their logical assesment
of what their BPD/npd person is.
Anyway, that was tangental.
Hang in there. 20 days; she's mean.
If it's any consolation, I've been painted as being evil by my dxBPDso for 4.5 months now. And, seperated from the kids too, seeing none of them (I was part of the family for a few years). I am finally starting to really get that my dxBPDso's core isn't sweet.
Took me long enough to figure that out. My brain knew; my heart didn't want to see.
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Rey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 21


« Reply #33 on: February 14, 2017, 12:49:30 PM »

I'm sorry to hear that you are being seen as evil! I can relate to that too. It's horrible especially since we are the most loving and understanding people. My mother thinks I'm evil too and that I'm after her money (my inheritance) and that I would kill her one day. Still try to understand how she comes to that conclusion... .I don't care about money and I could never do any harm to anyone. It's hard being separated from people by the BPD person! Hang in there!
I just want to clarify/explain something, within those 20 days the first 12 days I wanted to see if she would contact me, which obviously didn't happen and then I texted her saying:"Hope you and dad are doing good and you had a good weekend" That was 8 days ago and she has not responded so now she is just plain rude!

I will definitely start taking notes before I open myself up and start trusting people again. But with my "friend" that betrayed me there weren't ANY red flags or signs that could have told me that outcome. This was through pure influence of my mother in my believe but again I have no prove.

Thank you again and I like when people say what they think and are open to me. 
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Circle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #34 on: February 14, 2017, 11:38:55 PM »

You're welcome. Thank you.
It's impactful to have parents that don't call us up,
or make an effort. And then, ignoring on top of that; it's just callous and mean.
Hang in there with it. Would be great if you could go visit your Dad yourself; doesn't sound very possible though.

Sounds like you got your first red flag with your friend; and a big one. Once again, that is a pain. I too have to work at reducing my expectations of certain people/align them with the reality of how they are. I keep running into that with one of my oldest best friends. Take care.
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Rey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 21


« Reply #35 on: February 19, 2017, 08:29:08 PM »

So here is the update on my situation. After she didn't respond to my text on February 6, she finally send me a message on whats app on February 15. That message only contained a picture in black and white showing four women on different balconies talking to each other and it was labeled as "Whatsapp group 1973". Is it just me or is that just strange? After no contact that long to send me that... .But I went with it and texted her back that that's funny and so on. So she send me a video of a dog wishing me a happy weekend. So I answered thats its cute on talking about my parents dogs and so on... .Then I get a call from my mother-in-law and tells me that my mother has send her a message on Facebook complaining that I hardly stay in contact with my parents since I have been together with her son and that I have changed to the negative and that her son is a liar and making up stories out of things we have told her but twisted it. She also asked my mother-in-law to call her to talk about this problem. So I had a meltdown. It is going to far. When we started dated she first send me a evil letter, then she send a letter to my grandparents, then to my uncle, then she turned my "friend" against me and now she is violating my husbands family and try turning them against us. She is trying everything possible to break this marriage and make me fail once again. My husband laughed at it because he thinks she is crazy and it's getting ridiculous, my mother-in-law shook her head and is trying to understand what this is all about and she thinks my mother is crazy, and I just suffer, because I don't know what to do anymore. Then later on tonight my mother writes me on whatsapp that I never call and my dad wants to hear my voice so I told her:"No problem I will call tomorrow". So I will call my dad before my mother gets home from work. I don't know how to deal with that anymore. No matter what I do I get insulted and I'm not doing what is expected from my mother, whatever I say it is being used against me, when I don't say anything then it's not right either. I just hate her for constantly violating my life and getting in between my relationships and trying to disrupt everything even though I'm happy, but it's constantly about money with her... .
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Circle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #36 on: February 19, 2017, 10:54:38 PM »

Wow. That sounds frustrating as all get-out!
I have no good input right now. I just got slighted myself by someone.
Just want you to know that I read that.
I would try to find a way to not value what she says.
Of course, she is probably looking for a reaction too; so don't give her any.
Do you have any activities you can do to help you cope with her?
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Rey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 21


« Reply #37 on: February 20, 2017, 10:39:50 AM »

I think it's hard to have any input on that because its mind blowing. What happened to you? Only if you want to share.
I also forgot to mention yesterday that in the message my mother sent to my mother-in-law she also said that her son (my husband) has brainwashed me and is manipulating me... .Really? My husband has supported me in everything from day one, I finished my bachelors and now I'm working on my Masters which he by the way is paying for just as everything else. He is the most kind and loving person and lets me do what I want to. He is also the one that tries to tell me that I still need to stay in contact with my mother because in the end she is still my mother and to keep the peace.

She is looking for a reaction now from my mother-in-law and she told me yesterday on the phone that she will think about this and then call her but she told me that she will tell my mother to stay out of our marriage etc. and I'm pretty sure if my mother accuses her son of whatever she will fight back because she will not deal with that stuff.

By the way, like I wrote yesterday I would call my dad at 2 pm and she told me that she will not be home at that time. Well guess what she just answered the phone... .Is that a coincidence or was that planned? And on top of that she is super freaking nice to me? (She doesn't know that I know about that message to my mother-in-law). My dad asked me why I'm not keeping in touch and I told him that I do with my mother over whats app but every time I called they weren't home so I don't call because I don't know when they are home. So I offered to set an appointment every Monday 3 pm that I will call every week.

I unfortunately have no activities how to cope with that mess. I cried for the most part yesterday but then I pulled myself together until the next thing happens... .It always is that way.

 
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Circle
*****
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #38 on: February 20, 2017, 12:59:05 PM »

Rey,
I read your message.
Sorry that you are dealing with this.
I have no good feedback; it's out of my depth.
Maybe posting a new thread on here, would get you some more expertise, from other people?
Too bad you can't get a direct line/connection with your Dad.
So frustrating.
I'm sorry.
 
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Circle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #39 on: February 22, 2017, 12:15:56 PM »

Rey,
Just thinking about you. Hope you are doing okay. Realized that I missed your question too. The slight I received was on a dating site. It wasn't that bad. Just me putting myself out there and getting shut down. I guess that is par for the course. Anyhow, just wanted to say hello and that I hope you are doing okay.
 
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Rey

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 21


« Reply #40 on: February 22, 2017, 01:48:41 PM »

Circle,

Thank you so much for thinking about me. I'm doing ok. Trying not to get my mind wrapped up in what happened. Sorry to hear that you were turned down! Don't take it personal. Thank you for saying hello.
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Circle
*****
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #41 on: February 24, 2017, 09:12:04 PM »

You're welcome--
Hope you have a good weekend!
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