Sometimes an BPD outburst can be funny

[formflier]

Especially once you are "post FOG".   

So... .I was having a satisfying Saturday (yep... .story from today... .about 10 minutes ago) doing things around the house.

Backstory:  We had a water leak in the kitchen that required me to replace 60 square feet or so of laminate flooring.  Project went better than I figured.  After project was over I was doing some reading about proper care for laminate floors... .which led me to research on Amazon where I found a great deal on a microfiber mop and some laminate flooring cleaner.

That stuff showed up today and after assembly... I tried out the mop and cleaner.  Yep... .way better than how we had been doing it before.  Floors looked wonderful.  No streaking.

Well... .my wife comes home.  I'm in the bedroom on the other side of the house from where the kitchen is (and the evil mop)... .when I hear yelling (the tone wasn't quite "rage"... .but the volume was... ).  I can't believe "someone" ordered a mop without checking with me... ."who" would do this? 

Yep... .kids were milling about.

Did I mention the floors looked great? 

I don't react... or act.  Keep doing my thing

Anyway... 5-10 minutes later I helped her find her phone so she could go out again.

Her face and the way she was carrying herself was all twisted up... .

She gets by the front door to leave and says "I see you got a new mop"... .

I said/asked "Yeah... .works great... .don't you think?"

Que the yelling:  "That's something I would rather buy... ." (note... .total purchase price of mop and spray was just over $20)

Slammed the door hard enough to "rattle the house" and she was off... .

Sigh... .

So... my guess is that somehow in her mind it is me further taking over her territory.  Even though she refuses to clean... because you know... .she has a full time job.

I'm ok with doing the cleaning or leading kids in doing it.

You can't make this stuff up... .

FF

[Fian]

One of those situations where you are either going to laugh or cry.  Laughing is better.  (:

[ACObound]

I did smile.  Similar but differnt... .I once put dirty clothes in the wrong laundry sort basket.   whew won't happen twice, on the floor where it is safe 

[Torched]

People just couldn't believe it.  And the sad thing is, it is stuff like this that we so easily forget about because 1) it causes anxiety/pain and 2) it is so mundane.

[ACObound]

amen torched

[Krato]

It's good to keep diary, I found many amusing cases like this from the past  

For example:

I bought her a shrimp salad from the store, but it was the wrong brand.
She asked for 10 cherry yogurts, brand was right but as I only brought home 9 --> rage.
My mother had dropped our baby's poo to the toilet, and flushed but it left a tiny mark (this is one of our two bathrooms which she considers "hers" --> rage.
My mother had dressed our son into pants which are one size too big --> She reminded me about this for a week.
She never wants to visit my family but raged the one time she was not asked to join me.
I bought freshly squeezed orange juice from the store, but she rejected it as it has to be from concentrate.
She goes to bed earlier than me, I wake up many times at night to take care of our sons, I wake up in the morning with the boys, she wakes up few hours later and complains about not having enough sleep.
She cannot test microwaved baby food on her hand to check the temperature as she doesn't want to get her hand dirty and doesn't like the taste (so she tests it on the baby).
While the kids are bathing, she cannot go take care of them as her socks would get wet.
My relatives were spending Christmas Eve with us but ended up moving furniture around trying to find toy cars she claimed were missing (I found this so funny I even took a photo).
Rage episode from not having an ice cream she didn't want in the first place. She also raged about me being selfish for eating one.

[Mr.R.Indignation]

... .One time I tried to compliment her by saying she always looks great in photographs, but the camera could never do her proper justice... .

You can probably guess how she interpreted that one! After going off on a spiel about me being horrible to her, her sudden pause in rage when she realised it wasn't an insult was pretty hilarious.

See also: After a spate of arguments and attempting to reconcile 'You shouldn't be so friendly - take this seriously!' followed by 'You always argue with me, I don't want to talk about this stuff, why don't we ever just have fun anymore?' followed by 'I think it's good to have a sense of humour but not the jokey kind.'

I guess maybe luckily I only ever got the cold shoulder in response to actions, although the downside with the passive aggressive type is that for the most part you have no idea what's going through their heads.

The funniest example was when we were visiting her parents, and her mother was doing a photography course. We're standing on opposite sides behind her, and in the middle of taking pictures she asked us what we thought, and when I said 'I think you need to adjust the composition so that there's a little more emphasis on the left' I got THE most if looks could kill glare from her. I just shrugged and smiled playfully, and then her scowl intensified like a frickin' jungle cat! Her ma had even replied 'yeah, that's what I was thinking' but nope apparently an insult. Totally bizarre, but very funny. At the time I actually found it kind of cute, but I suppose it was pre-fire and brimstone.

[formflier]

'I think it's good to have a sense of humour but not the jokey kind.'
 

You win!  This takes the cake!

FF

[ACObound]

 :)I'm with FF... .you do win!  Can't tell how nice it is to laugh a little... .

[Non-bpd husband]

Today in our couple's counseling session, my wife got mad at me for talking to someone on the phone, when she had told that person to call me and asked me to talk to that person!

[Torched]

My favorite of all time was when she came home from work after I did.  I had taken the junk mail from the day before and trashed it.  She began a rage that went all night because I had taken the Macy's flyer (the same one you can get at the front door breezeway at Macy's) and tossed it.  After about three hours of her on the bathroom floor, I drove twenty minutes to get one at the store and took it home.  Didn't help.   

I wish I could remember more of these.  There were so very many, particularly from the first twelve years of marriage... .but I just can't.  I don't think my mind really wanted me to remember.  Sometimes though, seeing objects or places that were involved make me remember.

[gjkopriv]

THE CRAZIEST AND FUNNIEST WAS WHEN A BLACK WAITRESS WAITED ON US AT A RESTAURANT, AND SHE KNEW I DATED A BLACK GIRL YEARS BEFORE. ALL OF A SUDDEN IT DISGUSTED HER TO SEE THAT GIRL TALKING TO ME TAKING MY ORDER... .TO FIGHT IN FRONT OF HER DAUGHTER OVER SOMETHING THAT DIDNT MEAN A THING... .I LAUGHED WHEN I WENT TO BED THAT NIGHT THINKING HOW IMMATURE FOR A 43 YR OLD WOMAN TO DO THAT... .BUT INSTEAD OF LAUGHING I SHOULDVE RUN

[flourdust]

If I may quote a grown 43 year old woman:

"I'LL NEVER EAT DINNER AGAIN!"

[formflier]

THE CRAZIEST AND FUNNIEST WAS WHEN A BLACK WAITRESS WAITED ON US AT A RESTAURANT

Wow... .this triggered some memories for me.  My wife and I are both white.  In her family, mixing of races can be talked about harshly (I was polite with that description... .).

I was open with my wife when I met her that I "didn't have a type" of girl that I went after.  I have dated different races and different sizes of women.  I figured I would find a person that I was interested in rather than an image or idea.

Well... .that openness would come back to haunt me when she started dysregulating.

I'll share two of the uncountable racial stories.

I'm at a McDonalds (in the early days of BPD... .before bpdfamily) grabbing some coffee and internet.  She stops by after I invited her... .I knew she was out and about.  Apparently a black girl behind the counter opened a closet door and put away a mop at the same moment that my wife came in the McDonalds.  

Wife went apesh$t.  She confronts me about why the black girl (with an especially negative inflection on "black" decided to hide the moment my wife walked in the store.  I... .unfortunately... .decided to try and convince her she was wrong... .days later the argument was still raging... .(you guys get the picture)

Perhaps a year later... .(still no bpdfamily):  It's my birthday and my wife offers to make me a cake.  She asks me what my favorite kind of cake is and that she will make it.  Ummm... .I assume she is being nice because she knows my favorite is chocolate cake... .chocolate icing.  Combined with a nice cold glass of whole milk... .heaven on earth.  So... .I asked for (you guys totally see this coming... .right? ) chocolate cake.

Cue the BPD rage:  My wife starts ranting for days on end that I asked her for chocolate cake and that what I really wanted was for my wife to bring home a black lady that I could sleep with on my birthday... . She ranted for days on end... .because in large part... .I kept the circular argument going.

Ok... you talked me into three stories.

A post bpdfamily example.

Things got much better in our r/s and one night we were laying by the fire going through old 80s and some 90s music and sharing memories.  Was actually a wonderful night... .until... .

Well... .there were some guys on my dorm hall that played Biz Markie "Just a friend" all the time.  Anyway... .I play it on youtube... .BPD storm-clouds assembled quickly... .

https://youtu.be/9aofoBrFNdg

She stars accusing me of wanting black women "again"... . I stood and said... ":)eal with your own stuff by yourself... .I'm not going to be part of this crazyness... ."  I walked out of room while she was ranting.  I never discussed it again outside of MC.  In MC she tried to explain how I had misunderstood and denied all the other racial stuff.  Our MC was asian lady.  My wife was incredibly shaken and apparently shamed at that discussion.  

That was over 2 years ago... .almost three.  No "racial accusations" since then.

Last note:  I know that there are some that would say I should have validated and all that.  I made a deliberate choice to succinctly call her out and exit.  Then stay quiet about it around the house.

End result... .far less drama.

FF

[Mr.R.Indignation]

Last note:  I know that there are some that would say I should have validated and all that.  I made a deliberate choice to succinctly call her out and exit.  Then stay quiet about it around the house.

End result... .far less drama.

An unflushed poop in the toilet is better than an unflushed poop in the sink.

Honestly I think (naturally) the cake story has to take the cake. That Freudian style response wasn't so much taking a leap as taking a jetpack.

I have another: When we were breaking up she said that it's better we're not together ... .because we'd be too happy with eachother's company. . . . . . Yup.

I hope this thread keeps up. Stories like these replace the frustration and confusion with something better: a profound but enjoyable understanding of silliness!

[gjkopriv]

HAHA, WELL AT LEAST I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE THAT WENT THROUGH WITH THIS BS... .I WAS ONLY WITH MINE A YEAR, AND THAT STARTED AT ABOUT THE 2 MONTH MARK, AND SHE WAS STILL OBSESSED WITH IT AT THE YEAR MARK AND WE WOULD STILL FIGHT OVER IT. I EVEN GOT A CALL SAYING THAT YOUR BLACK EX NEVER  LOVED AND THAT HER FRIEND KNEW MY EX AND THAT SHE DATES BLACK GUYS NOW! I REPLIED SAYING SHE'S ALLOWED TO DATE WHOEVER SHE WANTS,  ME AND HER HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP FOR 5 YEARS.
TO GET HER TO SHUT UP, MANY TIMES I HAD TO AGREE WITH HER THAT I WAS WRONG FOR DATING A BLACK WOMAN, MEANWHILE MY BPDEX TOLD ME IN HER YOUNGER YEARS THAT  SHE HAD RELATIONS WITH FORMER ATHLETES THAT WERE BLACK... .SOO OF COURSE THERE WERE TIMES I COULDNT TAKE HER CONSTANT BS THAT I WOULD GO OFF AND TELL HER SO IT WAS WRONG THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH A BLACK WOMAN BUT IT WAS OK FOR YOU TO JUST HOOK UP WITH A BLACK GUY... .AND OF COURSE... .WOULDNT YOU KNOW... .ITS DISGUSTING THAT I TOOK HER AROUND MY FAMILY, BUT BECAUSE SHE WAS JUST USING HERS FOR A TOY, IT WAS PERFECTLY FINE!... .PERFECT REASONING FROM A BPD PERSON

[formflier]

An unflushed poop in the toilet is better than an unflushed poop in the sink.
 

 

FF

[Wrongturn1]

She asks me what my favorite kind of cake is and that she will make it.  Ummm... .I assume she is being nice because she knows my favorite is chocolate cake... .chocolate icing.  Combined with a nice cold glass of whole milk... .heaven on earth.  So... .I asked for (you guys totally see this coming... .right? ) chocolate cake.

Cue the BPD rage:  My wife starts ranting for days on end that I asked her for chocolate cake and that what I really wanted was for my wife to bring home a black lady that I could sleep with on my birthday... . She ranted for days on end... .because in large part... .I kept the circular argument going.

Bwahahahaha, this one was hilarious and literally made me LOL!  I mean, it's not as if you asked your wife for a chocolate doughnut, a banana, and 2 kiwi fruits (da-dum-chang  ).  It's so bizarre what goes on in the mind of a BPD sufferer.

[formflier]

it's not as if you asked your wife for a chocolate doughnut, a banana, and 2 kiwi fruits (da-dum-chang  ). 

   

As others have said... .this is a great thread.  Keep it going.  While laughter doesn't "fix" anything... .it certainly helps smooth out the rough edges... .of a tough relationship situation that we on bpdfamily have found ourselves in... .

FF

[empath]

A few months ago, I said I was tired one morning. He decided to confront me about my tiredness because I had said that he was keeping me up at night. I had been telling him for a couple of months that this was a problem for me, but he wasn't getting it.

Well, in that conversation, he claimed that I was passive aggressive and hadn't said anything and that it was a pattern. He also said that he knew that he should be letting me sleep earlier. So, I said that he said that he knew and that I had told him about the problem. This wasn't a problem that I could do anything about.

Toward the end, he was getting frustrated with the whole process. And he said, "I'm not feeling listened to; you're not taking any of the responsibility." I asked if feeling listened to required me to take responsibility. He said, "Well, it shouldn't... ." Then he said he didn't like talking to me.

[Cookie Monster]

During my pregnancy with our daughter my BPD husband kept saying he wanted a girl.  So after spending the whole day in labor, our baby girl was born, husband was present for the labor & delivery.  My husband & the nurse brought our daughter to the recovery room so I could hold her.  Husband leans over & kisses me then whispered "it's ok honey, we'll have a boy next time".  I was confused, asked him "If you wanted a boy, why did you keep saying you wanted a girl?"  He said, "I figured if I said I wanted a girl, I'd get a boy"  Huh?

[ArleighBurke]

When driving my BPDwife says "kids you can't talk to dad while he's driving - he's concentrating on driving". Then later complains: "KIDS WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TALKING TO ME AND NOT DAD?"

[empath]

Last year, my h was taking my d to middle school, so the school start time was earlier than it had been in previous years. According to him, the school had it out for him because they had an earlier start time and just to make his life difficult. She kept being late, and he would keep blaming the school... . 

[gjkopriv]

I had one come to mind last night because I went to Target to pick up some things for my house. . A little backstory is that I have train tracks running through my town about a mile down the road and you can just hear them a little bit at night. So she's fighting with me on the phone while on her way over, then an hour later we're still talking on the phone, she begins to threaten me about a replacement, that she's driving around his place now and unless I  change, she's going to be with him cause he will treat her right. Long story short, we're on the phone for an hour and a half, only takes her 30 min to get to my place... .she's supposedly not near my place now, driving around the replacements, and I hear a train in the background on her phone... .I get in my car, not letting her know, drive a mile down the road and she's there sitting in her car in the Target parking lot the whole time... .why lie? why try to hurt me and make me jealous?

[formflier]

I get in my car, not letting her know, drive a mile down the road and she's there sitting in her car in the Target parking lot the whole time... .why lie? why try to hurt me and make me jealous?

Now that... .is a classic FF move!      Well done... .

Tell us more about her reaction... .

My guess is she tried to get you for "betraying" her for "sneaking" up on her... .trying to avoid dealing with her lie... .

Close?   

FF

[Stolen]

Me: "Will getting divorced make you happy?"

xW: "NO!" "Nothing will ever make me happy!"


Umm - OK.

At least she told the truth once... .

[gjkopriv]

Oh, I don't even remember now because there were so many of these situations I went through in the year we dated... .bizarre... .I'm pretty sure she blamed me for coming out to look for her but then she tried to use it to show how much she loved me because she didn't goto the replacements and hung around my area... .like I owed her a thank you!

If I didn't know she was somewhat a freak sexually, I would think she made up like 100% of her stories... .but since she was... .I'd say she only lied about 85% of the things she told me