Redrogue
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2
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« on: February 05, 2017, 01:00:00 PM » |
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I'm not quite sure how this works. So, I'll just begin by saying that I've been married for 10 years, and I found out within the past year that my husband is BPD. He was actually the one that pointed me to an article about BPD, saying that all the symptoms were how he felt, but then adamantly denied that he was BPD. So I asked the therapist that we had been seeing for the past few months if he is borderline, and she said he is high-functioning borderline-among other long-term illnesses. But also that he presents well, and his condition wasn't apparent to her for the 6-9 months he was going on his own, until we started coming together and she saw another side of what was going on. He's pretty high functioning, which is probably why I let him blame me about everything going wrong in our marriage for the previous 9 years. I just need somewhere to go where I can discuss with others that I'm not crazy or irrational. That the things I said and the boundaries I set really did happen and were discussed, because he will change his opinion and preferences so drastically and deny whatever I say that doesn't fit into his perception of me being the bad person or the source of his problems. Why do I want to work this out? Why don't I leave. First, and foremost, we have three children, and overall he's pretty great with them-my reading on BPD has mentioned that BPD's usually are good with their young children. He comes from a terrible family, and he's trying really hard to step away from some pretty terrible chains of abuse and neglect from generations past, continually perpetuated. I want to break those chains for the benefit of our kids and their future families, more than anything else. I'm also afraid who would become his scapegoat, if I wasn't around to be the reason for his life not being perfect, and that burden would, I'm afraid, fall on our children. That's where I'm at. We've been to therapy on and off for years. We are going now, but it is with someone he has seen on his own for 6 months, who does not know his BPD diagnosis from previous therapist my husband ended up refusing to see because she was holding him accountable for his action, and I'm pretty sure this therapist has some bias against me due to the elaborate pictures my husband can paint about his situation. We have only been twice, and my husband refuses to go anywhere else together. I finally convinced him to let me come together with him, after he accused me of an emotional affair a few months ago, not with any particular person, but with enjoying having been in a community theatre musical production-per recommendation of our last therapist. It was very extreme and controlling and so we are trying to work it out in therapy together now. I think I should also be frank with this therapist we are seeing and give him the info from our last therapist and what she was able to diagnose, but I don't know the protocol, or if this therapist would like being told what to think about his client, if he hasn't yet come to the same conclusion. It's a hot mess, but this therapist is now starting to tell my husband things like, in our religious community there is an emphasis placed on being a good mother, but there's not much focus on how to teach young women to be good wives. Also that my husband should stop giving more to me than I give to him, which my husband will never think I give enough or do everything right- he's BPD! His opinion of what he thinks is right for me do or act, is in constant flux! I have set up an appointment with a therapist for myself, and will also ask her if sharing what I know or believe is going on with my husband with his therapist is a good idea or not. Any thoughts or suggestions? Sorry-this was a long first post. Had a lot to get off my chest!
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