Defining limits - Silent Treatment and Degrading Jabs

[peacemountain]

Working on defining my values, limits, costs and benefits prior to communicating anything.

One aspect of the relationship that is harmful is the punishment I receive for either doing something to take care of myself, for having an opinion different from his, or just in general being in the vicinity when he's emotionally irritated. The punishment takes the form of silent treatment interspersed with degrading jabs. Silent treatment typically extends 1-3 days.

For example, I grabbed the baking tray wrong taking it out of the oven and burned myself. You'd think someone would say, oh are you ok? Instead, he makes fun of me, pretending he's me and speaking like someone who is developmentally challenged "My name is (my name here), I'm a retard, and I don't know how to cook."

Other examples of jabs - including taking passes at my hobbies, making degrading fun of me in front of the kids, making judgmental comments about my friends.

I'm really concerned about this treatment for two reasons. First is me! These types of comments really hurt and after time, no matter how much self care, begin to chip away at me. Second, is the kids! I don't want them to think that it's ok to treat someone this way nor to be treated this way! I want them to have relationships in their future that are respectful and loving. I have to provide a good model of that.

I can certainly set a limit on the disrespectful jabs. But my question is, what consequences do I build around my limit? And how do I respond in a way that demonstrates my value and teaches my children dignity and respect for themselves and others? Examples please!

Also, has anyone had success with setting a limit around the silent treatment? What consequences are there for that limit and what do they look like?

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