Marriage counseling tonight

[Lugnut]

Hello everyone,
As the subject says my wife and I have marriage counseling tonight.
We have been seeing this woman weekly for about 6 weeks now. She is very sharp, smart and tough.
I have known my wife has undiagnosed BPD for about 2 years now. But things weren't to bad during this time. A couple threats of divorce here and there from her lots of silent times towards me and just a coexistence together raising our daughter. She rarely has her horrible rages but about 2 months ago she had a real bad one. Throwing stuff around the house, breaking things,and screaming at the top of her lungs. Screaming she wants a divorce and  throwing her rings at me. All of this in front of our 10 year old daughter and my 24 year old stepson (her son). Of course this episode was all my fault and she even straight faced told me that she will never apologize for her behavior because it's all my fault.
Well this is what got us into marriage counseling this time around. Yes we went one other time but I soon didn't participate due to if I said any truth it would trigger her bad treatment towards me and I was always trying to avoid it.
But not this time around.
Three weeks ago was the last time we went together as a couple to see the therapist. The big topic that session was about her son who just recently moved back in with us. She wants him to go to school for CNC machines in which he has zero experience with, or even any experience in a machine shop environment. At the same time I just happened to find him a real good job doing mechanical rigging, construction and demolition with a excellent starting salary if he wanted it. This triggered her again into hating me. Well we discussed all of this at therapy and the conclusion was made that we both have the same goals for her son to be successful but there are different ways this can be logically achieved.
When we left our session I saw the all to familiar look on her face. She was not happy. At all. And I know why. Because my wife is always right.
The next week for therapy my wife couldn't make it due to her schedule so I went by myself. Of course there was a lot of talk about my wife and I but then I decided to bring up my suspicion of BPD. The therapist immediately ran out of the room and grabbed a book on the subject and we went through all the symptoms. She did not agree or disagree with me but my wife fits the symptoms pretty darn good. It was a good session for me to be there alone to get things off my chest and renew my interest in researching BPD.
The biggest problem in my wifes and I marriage is money.
She separated all the finances a couple years ago.
Without going into to much detail I pay all the bills. Everything. You name it. Phone, insurance, gasoline, mortgage, etc etc. She only pays for her car payment, her credit cards, student loan debt, and food for our family in which there is never enough. She makes $69k a year.
While she was in school she did not work. It was all on me. She just graduated 3 years ago with a bachelor degree in environmental sciences. I racked up some serious credit card debt during this time and I am having a tough time getting it paid down. So I decided that I should tap to one of my retirement accounts and just pay it off. In order for me to do that I needed her signature on a form. So 2 Friday's ago I asked her to sign the form so I could access my money.
TRIGGER again. Total freak out. Wedding ring off again, she wants a divorce, I am horrible with finances and spend to much money etc, etc, etc.
We were supposed to have a counseling session last Tuesday but due to a crisis our therapist cancelled. Meanwhile we were in a crisis but I am kinda used to it so no big deal.
It's been 11 days so far this time worth of silent punishment. All the time with her not wearing her wedding ring. At one point this past Sunday night even holding up her left hand in my face as if I didn't realize she has not put it back on.
Although she did break her silence earlier in the day Sunday to ask if I would be interested in taking a trip with her for a couple days while she took a class for her job! What the heck?
Any ways. All this information was just to give everyone some background on why I am a little nervous about tonight's session.
I really don't want to live life like this anymore. The thought of finding someone else is so appealing to me.
But the thought of my wife getting 50/50 or better child custody scares the living hell out of me.
I am just going to be honest and strong tonight.
Wish me luck and if you have any advice I'd love to hear it.
Thank you for reading.
E

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[Lugnut]

Second week in a row counseling has been cancelled.
I guess another week of silence in store for me.