Has Anyone Ever Done This?

[findinggratitude]

Reading through all of this I see so many similarities, the CPTSD and anxiety dx (which I suspect is some therapist's way of diagnosing BPD, just to keep the stigma off) and the trauma dumping. She also mentioned BPD constantly, and was familiar with the treatments, and had been hospitalized for mental health stuff, so OF COURSE she has this disorder. I think it's telling she didn't tell me, if she did know.

I'm not going to speak to the move, because those decisions are so multilayered and I don't know if she can have jurisdiction over an entire city if it feels like somewhere you want to go.

However, I do very much understand this Then I remember how ‘in the situation’ that I was… how it filled my head and my heart.

How I was carrying trauma stories that I wasn’t prepared, trained or even really consenting to carry.

I think the loads of trauma (some of which mayyyy not be true. I believe my ex believes it all to be true, but I am wondering about perspective now) makes us feel, if not responsible, then very willing to excuse their behavior and feel pity. I had (and continue to have) so much pity for my ex.  But I don't think that's a good place from which to build a relationship. And it might be mistaken for love, because it pulls on a drive to take care of that person. But, that's not love either. I do see that I created an idea of innocence around the true victim she was, but she is not a victim ALL the time, and the way she treated me was cruel, whether I want to admit that or not, or blame it on her past and her disorder.

Like you, I HATE the idea of cutting someone off. But she cut ME off. Yet it still feels like I did the cutting in some way because I didn't fulfill her needs or something. Or I'm just trying to protect myself somehow from the reality that she truly did just slash and burn things. It doesn't really matter. They are taking no responsibiity for our feelings, but here we are still trying to navigate their in a way. It's all very interesting.