At what point does validation buy in to a false reality?

[1clearchoice]

Any insight on the subject would be appreciated... .

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[waverider]

Any insight on the subject would be appreciated... .

The term we use is not validating the invalid. It is not as easy as it sounds. In these grey areas it is better to focus on not actually invalidating.

Typically it happens when we are trying to appease or keep the peace.

[isilme]

I think it's a fine line - I am not trying to validate things I do not agree with, but H"s feelings about them.  He feels fat - I don't agree, but I try to tell him I know that feeling fat is terrible and will make someone unhappy.  He feels people hate him - I tell him I don't believe they do, but know that his self-esteem makes him feel bad about his interactions with others.  H tries to imply I am mad at him (really, he's mad at himself and wants to yell at me to justify feeling mad at himself and twist it all around onto me), I state that I am not, but try to ask what I've done that contributes to his feeling.

I try to not tell him his feelings are WRONG, but that I don't share them, sometimes, either.

Depending on the topic, the level of emotion involved, and the kind of emotion (sadness versus rage) you have to choose what, if anything, you can validate, what you need to try to ignore, and what you need to try to correct. 

H already lives in what I'd call a false reality.  I can't break him out, easily, either, and trying just to him sounds like I am telling him he is stupid, he is useless, he is wrong (can't have that).  So I validate the feelings he is having as best as I can - if he is receptive, I try to share my point of view.  Have you seen the movie "What Dreams May Come"?  The movie stuck more in my head than the book, but Robin William's is seeking his soulmate wife through the afterlife.  She has issues though, severe issues, hiding her from him, and he has to break into HER perceptions to try to reach her.  I see it a little like that on the less angry days.