BPD Disaster: False accusations, Police, Courts

[SOS Solo]

Hello All,

I am sharing some of my experiences here that may help others. I would deeply appreciate your visiting my Instagram page and liking and commenting accordingly.


Thank you so much!

Solo

SUMMARY OF A DESTRUCTIVE BPD RELATIONSHIP

Idealization: It began as a dream emotional and bonded connection where I was a Knight in Shining Armor and could do no wrong, I was “perfect in her book” and the nicest guy and human being she had ever known. She also demonized all past 5 relationships: they abused her, mistreated her, tried to break into her house, and claimed one even committed a serious crime against her.

Irrational Jealousy/ Fear of Abandonment (FOA): As weeks went by, just getting a business text from a female, going to play group pickleball, or saying an innocent “hello” to a cashier was an hour + of verbal rage and false accusations of flirting and cheating.
“Splitting”: Alternating between idealization and demonization- I was amazing one moment, the next I was plotting to hurt her and abandon her because “everyone always leaves”.
Paranoid Ideation/ Demonization: a constant stream of all kinds of false accusations that I was cultivating a “backup plan”, manipulating her, lying to her, I didn’t really love her, that I was attracted to other women, that I would cheat on her without any factual evidence.
FOA/ Demonizing: Then subtle threats began that she would destroy me if I left her, saying “You better be sh*tting your pants”, “they are all going to know”, “nobody messes with me”, “I’m a Bulldog”.

Pattern of Breakup & Makeup: All patterns above hour to hour… alternating between love and hate… Hours of “I love you, you’re so amazing, the best man on earth, the greatest love and the greatest sex”. At any moment that could turn to wild suspicions, all kinds of false accusations, daily verbal rage, and threats. Me trying to get out but also trying to convince her I loved her. Walking on eggshells every day, but also not wanting to abandon her. As a loving and nice guy, a man who “kept his promises”, I was driven to prove that I was going to be the “One Guy” who never let her down.

Final Breakup: BPD in all its rage. False accusations, calling the police multiple times with wild stories, filing false charges against me, and finally ending with her going to the courts seeking an Order of Protection, followed by court appearances, thousands in Attorney’s fees, and a lifetime of trauma.

[swisco]

Hi SOS Solo

What you wrote, I could have written, almost word for word - including the bit about the police reports and involvement with courts.  A horrendous experience.

I was fortunate that I realised very quickly the existential threat my ex-wife posed following her brutal discard and ghosting of me, and I decided to go absolute no-contact almost immediately.  I literally have never seen nor spoken the woman again, nor her 2 children that I had been daddy to for 5 years, and had brought up from a very young age.  Unfortunately, she has never stopped coming out of the woodwork every few months to throw another bomb in my direction - vindictive emails, spiteful comments on social media, or emails smearing me to people I know.  This happens even though I have never responded (and never will) and have blocked her on every medium I can think of - she seems to have an uncanny knack of finding a way to get to me.  I find it incredible that this is still happening over 4 years since we separated and eventually divorced, and particularly in that she was the one who left, seemingly moving my replacement into what had been my home within 3 weeks of my discard.  A wholly surreal situation.

I'm only now starting to really feel as if I'm moving forward.  The many accounts I have read of what others had to endure will always be the aspect to this horrible episode I'll look back at with complete incredulity.  The details in people's experiences are different, but the broad brush strokes are the same - I guess that's why the behaviours can be classified.

Wishing you the best in getting through this.  Focus on yourself and try to move towards the future - trying to understand the past, which you now have to accept was a living mirage, will only hold you back.

[re_search1901]

Yep, same story here. I was also arrested. $20k in legal fees so far. Luckily I was not married so that kept the cost below what most divorces probably cost.

[PeteWitsend]

These stories are all really unfortunate; sorry you guys went through this.

Not to downplay the suffering you've all dealt with, but at least in none of these instances did you have kids with a pwBPD, so at least in that regard, you avoid the ongoing entanglement and baggage of having a BPDx using your kid(s) to get back at you

[SOS Solo]

I have posted more of my personal experiences and things I've learned on Instagram

Check those posts out. The things I posted have helped me cope as a man.

[yellowbutterfly]

Thanks for sharing, I have the same story only he is the one with BPD. I’m glad to know you’re healing.

[SnailShell]

I think I feel lucky to get out when I did!

Mine didn't do things like this, but she did accuse other guys before me of things (which may have actually happened, or maybe didn't).

And her new bf called me and accused me of all kinds of wild things (risking her life, stalking, harassing etc), which may have come from her - or else maybe he's a bit crazy too.

She also threatened to 'beat the sh*t out of' me - which may've been an expression, or which she may have meant.

You never know where things will lead until they actually lead there, I guess.

I suppose it's lucky that I don't have to find out...!

[HoratioX]

In this day and age -- where a mere accusation is enough to destroy someone's life and society has been prepped to accept an accusation as truth without proof -- it's a scary thing to be accused of sexual assault.

What's even scarier is when BPD (and the like) is added to the mix because the accuser there may actually believe something happened when it did not. My advice if you get involved with anyone who you think might have BPD is to keep records of as much communication as you can. In particular if you work in a job where someone can accuse you of something that didn't even happen on the job -- like telling your employer you hit them -- you may find even the most obscure records is valuable.

[ForeverDad]

She also demonized all past 5 relationships: they abused her, mistreated her, tried to break into her house, and claimed one even committed a serious crime against her...

Final Breakup: BPD in all its rage. False accusations, calling the police multiple times with wild stories, filing false charges against me, and finally ending with her going to the courts seeking an Order of Protection, followed by court appearances, thousands in Attorney’s fees, and a lifetime of trauma.

Many here also experienced similar patterns and even the legal attacks.  Which is why we encourage that we do what courts prefer... keep all documentation and proofs that we aren't the aggressors or abusers.

And of course all the previous relationships were alleged abusive.  As one member noted on this aspect, I know when my ex is lying, it's when she opens her mouth.  Obviously he learned to trust only independent confirmation.

If we find ourselves pulled into court to answer allegations, one item to consider researching is the other's past history with the courts.  If the other has made allegations about us, it's very likely that is a repeating pattern used against some of the prior relationships.  So searching court records may reveal past allegations which we might be able to use to demonstrate the other's past patterns of using the courts to wreak vengeance and sour grapes.